The Warubozu Usagi

Daily excerpts of dialog from Warubozu Usagi -- Tomorrow will be better than the next day

Definition

Praxia Gateway is a Solar Gateway — the official wormhole gate for the Praxia system. Its Universal ID is Prax.001. One of the busier gateways in the galaxy, the wait times can vary between 6 hours to a full day, especially during Earth holidays of Christmas, New Years, and Chinese New Years.

Prior to leaving Praxia, it is recommended to reserve your gate departure slot ahead of time with the Praxia Gateway Authority to avoid waiting in line. Reservations can only be done online and up to a week in advance. However, those who have a FastGate Pass can fly up to the bypass line and receive priority (immediate) access.


— The Warubozu Usagi

A fixed multi-wing VTOL-enabled spaceship registered as an LSE-class unit. It's a second-hand Vayacandis with over 5M LY (Light Years) on it, originally with a stock FP-6200 fusion drive engine.

Procured by Warubozu Usagi in a deal with black market dealers, in return for 3 years of work as a mule between planets.

While legally registered as LSE-class, it has been heavily modded and legally out of spec of the LSE-class. Modifications (both legal and illegal) include:

  • An inline turbo boost add-on that can produce 2x more power for 30 seconds with a 30-minute cooldown.
  • Added a second fusion drive engine with split output
  • Stripped down back half, previously pressurized cabin quarters, to partially pressurized, hidden cargo storage.
  • Hidden (retractable) light armament at the forward position and a single heavy armament (one missile bay) at the aft, with light armaments to the port and starboard.
  • Other fittings to turn the ship into a viable shiplife vessel, including individual quarter flush toilets and showers, and a water tank with an inline recycler.

Named the Black Flea by Warubozu Usagi because, like a black flea, his ship is fast, tiny, and comes with a good — if tiny — bite (its weapons). Syvil suggests that, like a black flea, everyone hates it, including the crew. (She loves it.)

While it looks like a stripped down Galactic Police patrol unit, it was previously used as a science exploration vessel. Warubozu Usagi's paint job is what gives the ship a police patrol unit vibe.

Images of The Black Flea


— The Warubozu Usagi

11:59(ish) pm

Parked at Decca's Spaceport 13F, parking boot removed, fines paid by Doogé

The crew of The Black Flea sleep overnight together in a guest suite at Doogé's complex, on account that Red and Wu-chan would not wake up.

WU: Oh wow. That was the best sleep I've had in years. Wait, where are we?

S: I bet you slept well. You and Red kept us up most of the night with your snoring.

SM: I. Need. A. Latte.

Meri: (yawning with mouth wide open) Wuf.

Red: Who's ready for more food?

(Door bell rings)

Doogé: (behind door) Hello? Are you guys up?

WU: Yo, what up, D? Come on in.

Doogé: It's Doogé.I brought breakfast with me. Shall we talk over breakfast about the proposal?

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Will you grow up?

RP: Oh. Oh my. Is, is this real bacon and eggs?

Doogé: That it is.

RP: (eating out of the serving tray) Oh. My. God. I've never tasted real bacon before! This is amazing!

(everyone rushes to grab bacon, eggs, biscuits, and coffee)

WU: (mouth full) Sffff wuffff dwff juff abufff?

Doogé: Excuse me?

S: He asked about the job, I think.

Meri: (eating bacon) Wuuuuf!

Doogé: Right. So, I briefly mentioned yesterday that we're deep underground so that we can do some quantum-time testing without interference from cosmic rays, right?

WU: (mouth fuller than earlier) Mmmm hmmm.

Doogé: Yes. So, one of the things we noticed is that the tiny inanimate objects we'd send back — we're talking a few milimeters in size — would transmit disintegrated objects.

SM: Scrambled qubits?

Doogé: In this case, no.

SM: Imposition of both states?

Doogé: No, no. Are. Have. Do. Are you a quantum physicist?

SM: Me? Ha! No. I mean, I dabble.

S: She dabbles a lot.

SM: Well, enough to send messages back as far back as 73 years.

Doogé: (pauses for a momemt) Huh...

Meri: Wuf wuf!

WU: Yeah, Syvil and Shoko are the brains of this crew. I don't know how they did it, but Shoko's been sending dispatches back to someone — we don't really know...

SM: (interrupting Wu-chan) Okay then! Go on.

Doogé: Wait what?

SM: Please, go on!

Doogé: Well, we believe it has more to do with the stability of the space immediately around the object. We've been crafting shielding to encase small objects, and so far we've been fairly successful.

SM: Wait, so you've sent objects back into time?

Doogé: Oh dear no. We've sent it from one room in the complex to the other. Anyway, Jageda Industries apparently has been working on an extraordinary prototype that allows brains to...

WU: You want us to steal a prototype?

Doogé: No, no. I want you to copy all the data of their research and sneak it out.

WU: Done.

(the crew turns to Wu-chan)

RP/S/SM: NO!

WU: YES!

RP/S/SM: NO!

WU: Look, you two love this stuff. Think about how much closer we'd be to transporting ourselves to the past in the Black Flea! Are you kidding me, yes, we're doing it!

RP: Well, I do think it's cool. But Cap, this is Jageda Industries. You really think we're going to sneak in there? I don't think so.

S: You must be out of your mind.

WU: Look, I'm betting Dogio has it mostly figured out already, amirite?

Doogé: It's Doogé, but, indeed.

WU: See? Look, this crew is awesome. We got here didn't we? Doge, how many other crews have failed the test?

Doogé: It's still Doogé. About 70 give or take.

WU: See? We can do this, I know it!

S: Okay, so, yeah, it's tempting, but...

RP: K, I'm in.

S: What?

SM: Mmm. Me too. I think this'll be fun!

S: Shoko. We. Could. Die.

SM: Or get captured!

WU: Yeah! Doogé, we're in!

S: (sighs) Fine.

Meri: Wuf!

Doogé: Excellent! When you're ready to leave, I'll have a couple of tons of food and toys from our lab for you. Gambatte!

WU: Hai! Domo, Dogo!


— The Warubozu Usagi

11:43 pm

Overparked at Decca's Spaceport 13F, parking boot applied, fines still adding up, hours away from being impounded

Down the vertical transport pod they went. After two minutes of some Muzak, the doors open.

Doogé: So, welcome to my lair. No more traps, I promise!

WU: Dude, how far below the surface are we?

Doogé: It's Doogé and we're about 80 feet below on the top floor of my complex.

SM: To avoid FOABs, MOABs, and penetrating xrays?

Doogé: That, and most cosmic radiation. At this depth, we're able to do conduct research on scaled up quantum-time transportation experiments without the...

WU: (fake snoring) Boooooring. Where's the food?

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Warui! Stop tempting fate.

WU: (stomach growling) But, I'm hungry and I can't focus when I'm hungry!

Doogé: Ah ha ha ha! Let's go sit down and have some food. Wu, what would you like to eat?

WU: Do you have any Possibly Meat burgers or hot dogs?

Doogé: Sure. But wouldn't you rather have some Dagyu beef burgers?

RP: Dagyu?

Doogé: We stole DNA from several Wagyu cows and replicated our own stock which we now grow on Decca. We call them Dagyu cows after we recognized that we could GMO the flavor to make it more “beefy” and added some extra umami.

SM: Cool.

WU: Whew! When you said Dagyu, I thought you were using dogs.

Meri: Wof?

S: (glaring at Wu-chan) Warui!

WU: Oh Meri, you know we'd never let anyone take you from us and turn you into food!

Meri: (unamused) Wuf.

(Doogé walks them to the cafeteria)

RP: Oh. My. God. You have an entire cafeteria in here?!?

Doogé: Oh well, this is not just my lair. This is a research and living facility for over 200 people. It's 10 floors and an acre on each level. We're about 1/6th the size of the entire Empire State Building with a cafeteria on every floor.

WU: (jaw dropped) ...

Doogé: Order anything and everything you want off the menu. It's all on me.

(An hour later and after gorging two days' worth of food, Doogé comes back to the cafeteria)

Doogé: Oh dear. You didn't have to stuff yourselves. I was going to send you back with enough food to feed you for a week, even if you walked away.

RP: (belly sticking out and eyes rolling up, struggling to speak) I. Too. Much. Coma. Now.

WU: (slumped back in his chair) Oh gawd. So good. Sooooo much good food.

Doogé: So, who's ready to hear my proposal? Hey, didn't you have a dog with you?

S: Yeah, Meri likes to wander around, exploring everything. Sorry about that. Oh, and sorry if she poops somewhere random.

Doogé: No problem! More fuel for the fusion drives!

S: (poking Wu-chan) You hear that, Wu-chan? You should appreciate Meri for her presents.

WU: (barely awake) Yeah.

SM: We'll take notes just in case they fall asleep.

Doogé: Great! Let's go over to a lounge to talk.

(10 minutes later and halfway across the level, they reach a lounge, Meri nowhere to be found)

Doogé: I think you lost your dog.

S: Meri? Nah. Shoko just needs to call her.

SM: (pulls out whistle and blows) Fwuuuuuuuuff.

Doogé: I didn't hear anything.

S: Yeah, special dog whistle.

Doogé: Are you sure she can hear...

Meri: (appears behind Doogé) Wof.

S: Good girl, Meri! Did you stay out of trouble?

Meri: Wof.

Doogé: Aww, isn't that adorable! What a good girl!

Meri: Wof!

Doogé: Alrighty then. So, here's what I need your help in procuring.

()Wu-chan and Red have fallen asleep.)


— The Warubozu Usagi

3:41 pm

Overparked at Decca's Spaceport 13F, a day away from being impounded

The crew is standing inside an empty warehouse with their client in front of them and a vertical transport pod behind him.

Unknown: Hi everyone, I'm Doogé. So glad to meet all of you in person and thank you for delivering my coffee beans! Now, I'd like to acquire your services once again. And as unseemly as my actions appear, I had to test you to see if you were capable.

WU: Hello Doogé. May I call you Dawg?

Doogé: No, you may not.

(Syvil whacks Wu-chan on the arm)

WU: Okay, well Doogé, I'm Warubozu Usagi but you can just call me Captain.

Doogé: I shall call you Wu.

WU: How 'bout you call me Cap?

Doogé: Wu.

WU: Cappo?

Doogé: Wu.

WU: Cappy?

Doogé: Wu.

WU: Wu it is. This is Syvil, that's Shoko, and in the rear is Red.

Doogé: Hi, nice to meet you all. So, here's the plan. You come with me in my vertical transport pod to my place and I'll explain the whole deal and why I needed to test you. Sound good?

S: Nice try but we're not falling for the same trick twice, mister.

WU: (expressing consternation at Syvil before turning back) What she means is, we need assurances this isn't just a game with another trap.

S: No, I mean we're done here.

Doogé: (laughing in a jolly way) Ah ha ha ha! My deepest and most sincere apologies. I just dropped 10% into your account. Does that help?

SM: (looks at tablet, screen glowing gold) Yep, we just got...whoa that's a lot of money!

RP: (peers over and eyes glaze over) I, I, I've never seen so much money in our account.

S: (takes a look, then turns to Wu-chan) Meh. What'd I say, Warui? Kills us then steals from us.

WU: (walks back to look) Yatta! And that's just 10%?

Doogé: Yep. Hey, I got snacks. You want snacks? I got beer and Amaricka wine, too!

Crew: NO.

WU: Yes!

Doogé: Ah ha ha ha! You need parking validation? Free parking! I have a masseuse and a hot tub! Who wants to party in a hot tub!

Crew: NO.

WU: Yes! Partay!

Doogé: Ah ha ha ha!

RP: Why can't you just tell us the proposal right here?

Doogé: (pointing to eye and ear then up to the sky)

WU: (copying Doogé)

Doogé: Exactly.

WU: I don't get it.

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) How are you not comprehending this?

WU: Well I'm sorry but I didn't go to sign language school.

S: (expressionless) ...

WU: ...

Doogé: There are tiny visual and audio recording drones the size of a plum flying all around us.

WU: Ohhhh.

WU: Guys, look, let's just hang with ol Doogie here.

Doogé: Doogé.

WU: Right. And we'll listen to the proposal over a meal then have some alcohol...

Doogé: ...just beer and wine...

WU: ...yeah beer. We'll have some beer while we talk about the proposal and I swear if the three of you still want out, we'll bail. Sound good, guys?

RP: Cap, I'll go where you go. Unless you go over a cliff and die. Or if you walk into a haunted house. Other than that, I'll right behind ya!

SM: Well, if Red wants to go, I'm in. Syvil.

S: Hell, I knew this would happen. Warui, I'm going to kill you if we die.

WU: Syvil, that's the oldest trope in the book, but, yay! Ikemashou, and away we go!

(and down the vertical transport pod they went)


— The Warubozu Usagi

Pronunciation

'sin-t͟hər

Etymology

From c2057

Definition

Any basic robot implanted with a non-sentient AI. Robots without AI are simply called robots. These form the majority of robotic entities used for most labor that require artificial intelligence processing capacity. Their heavy reliance to displace service jobs and some white collar jobs partly contributed to the Great War of 2061.


— The Warubozu Usagi

11.59 pm

Overparked at Decca's Spaceport 13F, collecting hourly fines

Standing outside of an empty warehouse with no one in sight, again.

WU: Hello? Disembodied voice, are you there?

RP: Let's just leave it here and walk away.

WU: (now yelling and knocking on the ) Hellooooooo!?!

SM: Let's investigate for clues. Maybe we'll find something about our client.

(Six guards with clubs appear from the rear of the warehouse)

Guard: (with a mean look) Get them!

RP: (looking back at Wu-chan) Aww Cap, I guess our luck ran out.

WU: I'm so sorry guys. I really thought we were...

Syvil: (pushing Wu-chan aside with Meri in her arms) Meri. Bad people. Kick ass!

Meri: (turns her head sideways) Wuf?

Syvil: Yes. Like we taught you.

Meri: (ears pulled back) Wuf wuf???

Syvil: Yes I'm sure. Do it!

Meri: (resolute) Wuf.

Meri: (firing lasers from her eyes six times) Wuf! Wuf! Wuf! Wuf! Wuf! Wuf!

(seemingly human guards all collapse and explode, revealing their robotic shells)

WU: (fist pumping) Meri! Yesssss! Domo!

S: You can also thank Shoko and me. We built those into her while you boys were loading the beans.

WU: Meri, you're so awesome!

S: ...

WU: Oh, and thanks Shoko and Syvil.

S: ...

WU: But seriously, you're the best crew ever!

RP: Wait, are you saying there have been other crews before?

WU: What? No. I mean, I've never had a crew like this before.

S: So you've had a crew before? What happened to them? (outraged) Did they die?!?

(disembodied voice start laughing as a vertical transport pod pops up from the ground)

Unknown: Ah ha ha! Very good, very good! You passed the final test.


— The Warubozu Usagi

First letter = primary type surface

  • R = Rock
  • M = Metallic
  • L = Liquid
  • G = Gas
  • P = Plasma
  • Z = Artificial

Second letter = subtypical class based on mass

  • T = Tiny, below 0.35 ratio to Earth
  • U = Below 0.85 ratio to Earth mass
  • S = Standard equivalent, between 0.85 to 1.15, ratio to Earth mass
  • L = Above 1.15 ratio to Earth mass
  • X = Extra large, above 3.0 ratio to Earth mass

Third letter = designation of use

  • R = Restricted, special permission required by government
  • P = Private planet. Landing not allowed except in emergencies
  • X = Classified, 1000 KM virtual border no trespassing
  • M = Mining primary use
  • L = Living, habitable, unrestricted access
  • SC = Special commercial use other than mining (typically leisure / pleasure planets)
  • Z = Zombie planet, contaminated by the un-dead or uncontrollable, deadly virus(es)
  • U = Generally inhospitable and uninhabitable, but open

Example: R.S.L = Rock, Standard mass equivalent to Earth, Living planet

Notes:

  • As new planet types are discovered, this classification system shall be expand as needed.
  • At a minimum, a “planet” is any celestial body that rotates a star, has its own gravity field, and rotates on its own axis.
  • Planets that have been observed but have not been fully quantified are classified as “unknown”
  • Following the China Protocol, all new planets (and other celestial bodies) may be named by the discoverer but shall not be named after a person.
  • Binary planets are not classified as such. Instead, individual planets are referenced to the other, as gravitational bodies (of influence) for each planet.

— The Warubozu Usagi

11:48 pm

On Decca in the Praxia system, still docked at Spaceport 13F

Having returned to the Black Flea, Wu-chan gets the cargo — of coffee beans — prepared for transport.

S: Hey uh, Shoko, I need your help on this project. Meri, want to join us?

Meri: Wuf!

WU: Hey Syvil, we could use the help loading the cargo up.

SM: I think you two boys are strong enough to handle coffee beans, don't you?

RP: Hai!

WU: (glaring at Red) ...

S: K. Ping us when you're done! Jaa ne!

WU: (still glaring at Red)...

RP: Is something wrong?

Wu-chan sighs and goes back to loading up coffee beans onto the tranport carrier.

RP: Cap, I still think we should just drop the beans off and leave. This just feels like we're getting in over our heads.

WU: Aww come on Red. We've come this far and it won't hurt to just listen to the proposal.

RP: But Cap, the more the money, the harder the job. I like being alive.

WU: I like living...rich one day, you know?

(walking backwards, Wu-chan steps into fresh poop)

WU: What the...? Ah hell no.

(Wu-chan hits the intercom)

WU: Meri! BAD GIRL! I just stepped in you poop! BAD GIRL!

(Syvil and Shoko can be heard laughing on the intercom)

Meri: (with sad voice) Wuf? Wuf wuf.

RP: (also laughing) Cap, look on the bright side, our luck has probably changed!

(15 minutes later, Wu-chan is done and hits the interom)

WU: K y'all, we all done loading the carrier. You two coming now?

S: (immediately pops up around the corner) Oh yeah. We were done 5 minutes ago and just thought we'd relax and watch you work, right Meri?

Meri: Wuf!

WU: (deflated) Really? Fine, whatever. Let's get this show on the road, people!

S: Oh, I'm bringing Meri with us so that he won't leave any presents for you.

WU: Hai.

(following the map to the address, they're a block away from their destination)

RP: You know Cap, maybe we should have brought weapons just in case?

WU: Nah. We're on our way to a business deal, not a shoot out. We don't want to scare them away or anything. We already got paid. What's the worst that could happen, they steal their beans?

SM: Or kill us and steal our credits from the bank.

S: You never learn, Warui.

WU: Come on. That'll never happen.

(reaching their destination, it's another empty warehouse)

WU: (dejected) Come on! Not again!?!

S: (with raised eyebrow at Wu-chan) Told you so.


— The Warubozu Usagi

23.36

On Decca in the Praxia system, docked at Spaceport 13F

The crew makes its way to the address of their “friend”, notably without their cargo.

S: You know this is a trap, Cap? Ooh, I like that — Cap trap. Warui, this is a Cap trap!

RP: Ha ha! Cap trap!

WU: Maybe. But we'll never know until we see for ourselves, right? And just in case, that's why we didn't bring the cargo with us — you know, as a bargaining chip. So, here's the plan. When we get there I want Red to...

SM: We're here.

(Expressionless, the crew gazes at an empty, barely standing warehouse.)

S: (turns to Wu-Chan with angry eyes) There's nothing here.

WU: I can see that.

S: No, you don't get it. There's nothing here. We procured the cargo and risked our lives to deliver the goods but there's nothing here. It was all fake. You fell for a fake. We wasted our time and money on a fake.

WU: (deflated, takes a big sigh and looks down at the ground) Shit.

(suddenly, and from no discernible source, a voice is speaking)

Unknown: Oh hey, you made it! Ha ha, I knew you were the ones who'd make it. Wow, hey kids, congratulations! You're the first to make it to this address!

WU: (excited that the warehouse isn't empty after all) Who are you?

S: Nevermind that. Where's our money?

Unknown: Right here, kids. Oh wait, I mean, not right where you kids are, but right here where I am at. I got your money, but I don't see the goods. Did you not procure them like I asked?

WU: (overly eager Yeah, we got it! I mean, ahem, yes, we have it, but we left it on the ship because we didn't know what the deal was after you gave us two bad passcodes. So, we left it behind on the ship. You kill us and you'll never get your cargo, mister.

Unknown: (laughing out loud) Ah ha ha ha! I'm so sorry about that. It was never about the cargo, but yes, I have your money.

WU: What do you mean it's not about the cargo?

Unknown: Yeah... this was a test. You're the first ones to pass!

SM: You mean, we're the first ones to survive?

Unknown: Well okay then Debbie Downer. Sure, if you want to put it like that...

RP: Oh man, that's horrible? Why would you do such a bad thing?

S: What the hell!?

Unknown: (dismissively) Ehhhhh. Nevermind that. I just doubled your payment. Better?

RP: Not really.

Unknown: So look, I have a waaaay bigger deal for you. This one is worth ten times more!

WU: Is this ten times the amount you initially owed us, or ten times the amount after you doubled our compensation?

S: Wu. Seriously?

WU: What, it can't hurt to ask.

Unknown: Ten times the amount after I doubled your payment. Check your account. I already deposited the payment without receiving the cargo. Happy?

SM: (pulls out tablet) Confirmed, Cap.

WU: Alrighty then! So, where do you want the cargo delivered?

Unknown: I sent you a new address. So, can I count you in?

RP: Nope.

SM: Nuh uh.

S: Definitely not.

WU: Yep.

Unknown: Great! Come by anytime tomorrow!

S: Wait, what? What the hell Warui?

WU: What? With the money, we can stop taking these types of contracts and just have some fun for once. And also, the Black Flea could really use some upgrades. Don't you want that soaking tub, Syvil?

S: Hello?!?! If the money's that good, the risk is that bad. I don't want to die.

RP: Yep, definitely want to live.

SM: Uh huh.

WU: Agreed, I don't want to die either. And we won't. We'll take precautions and make plans and all. Will it get hairy? Sure. Will we have close calls? You betcha. But, we're an awesome team!

WU: (looking back up in the air trying to locate the source of the disembodied voice) By the way, what was in the cargo that was so special?

Unknown: What? Oh. Coffee beans.


— The Warubozu Usagi