The Warubozu Usagi

Just before midnight

In Yamanochi town, near Nagano, Japan

Continuing with enjoying their time before their heist on CNY, the crew of the Black Flea are now in the hot spring town of Yamanochi.

WU: (staring at a snow monkey enjoying the hot spring) Subarashi, neh, Saru-chan?

S: They're macaques. They wouldn't understand a word you said.

WU: Eh, it was a rhetorical question. I know they're having a wonderful time. Look at their relaxed faces!

RP: Do you think their faces are red because the hot spring water makes them flush?

SM: They probably get redder when they're in the hot spring, but their faces are naturally reddish, especially the older ones.

WU: Look at the ojiisan with a white moustache, with his eyes closed.

S: Sort of like you?

WU: What? No, I'm not that old.

SM: They all have that moustache, regardless of gender.

RP: How do you know?

SM: See the obaasan? She has a moustache.

RP: How do you know she's an obaasan, though?

SM: Look at the long nipples. She's had many babies.

RP: ...

WU: ...

S: Oof. Thank goodness we're Hafu.

SM: Yup.

S: Shall we go to the human onsen, now?

RP: Yes, please.

SM: Hai!

WU: (walking away, looks back and waves at the snow monkey) Oyasumi-nasai, Saru-chan!

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

Just before midnight

In and around Kyoto and Osaka, Japan

The Black Flea crew, still enjoying life before the Jageda job, has decided to make a tiny pilgrimage to shrines around Kyoto and Osaka, to find good luck and to enjoy the Toka Ebisu festivities at all of the shrines.

WU: Hey Syvil, is this the last shrine?

S: We've only gone to five shrines. There are hundreds throughout Japan celebrating Toka Ebisu.

WU: Gomen, gomen. I meant, should we make Kiyomizu the last shrine?

S: If you're tired, we can make it the last.

RP: Shoko, would you pound some mochi for me?

SM: I don't know if they'll let a female do the pounding, though.

RP: Aww, that sucks. I really wanted to take a photo.

SM: Usagi no mochitsuki?

WU: Hey Red, I can pound it for your photo.

RP: (sighs) I guess so. But it just isn't the same, Cap.

WU: What do you mean? I'll have you know, growing up in Honolulu, I learned to pound mochi at Honpa Hongwanji at Obon.

S: For real?

WU: Yeah. I even did the Tankō Bushi. Back then I didn't really know the song, so I used to refer to it as the “yoi-yoi” song. Everyone knows the “yoi-yoi” song.

S: You danced?

WU: Well sort of. I tried and gave up and just joined everyone with clapping and yelling out “yoi-yoi!”

RP: What's Tankō Bushi?

WU: Coal mine song.

RP: What's that have to do with Obon?

WU: No idea.

S: That's so you.

Making their way up the hill through the narrow street with shops lined on both sides, they reach the entrance.

WU: Wow. Sugoi!

RP: This is huge!

SM: Oh look Red, there's the mochi pounding area.

RP: (eyes wide open, walking at a fast pace) C'mon Shoko, let's check it out!

WU: Red, the offer stands. I'll pound mochi for you!

S: Would you pound mochi for me?

WU: You hate mochi.

S: So? Dammit Warui, it's not about the mochi.

WU: ?

S: Oh never mind. Go pound mochi for Red.

WU: Oh look. I guess I don't have to. They're letting Shoko pound mochi after all.

Shoko is not really pounding mochi. She's tapping it lightly while Red takes photos.

S: So cute. Wu-chan, will you go pound mochi for me?

WU: (looking back with a big smile, having learned his lesson) Anything for you, Syvil!

15 minutes later, Wu-chan emerges with bruises on his forehead.

RP: Wow Cap, that's an impressive bump on your head.

SM: Is that permanent? Are you going to have to have your shell fixed?

WU: I don't know. I think it'll go down on its own.

S: Poor Wu-chan. Gomen, neh? I'm sorry I made you pound mochi.

WU: Don't be silly. I'd pound my head just for you!

S: (still feeling guilty) It was nice of them to give us free yomogi mochi after that. Here Wu-chan, you can have mine, too.

WU: What? No. Let's just eat it while we enjoy the view of the city lights!

RP: Oh? Umai! This yomogi mochi is great stuff! Cap, let's go get your head hit again!

SM: Red!

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

At midnight

In and around Higashiyama Ward, Tokyo, Japan

Finding the area around Kiyomizu temple to be agreeable, the crew of the Black Flea has decided to stick around and wander in the northern part of Higashiyama Ward, in the Gion District.

S: Are we here so you can gawk at geisha?

RP: Who, me?

WU: I think she means me.

Syvil whacks Wu-chan on the arm as his eyes follow a pair of geisha walking past.

SM: Wu-chan, you know, most of them are synthers.

WU: So you're saying that I shouldn't feel guilty about staring at them, right?

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Are looks all that you care about?

WU: What? You don't understand. It's like when you eat at an exclusive restaurant and they serve you a plate of beautifully arranged food that is a work of art, and you rather stare at it and admire it than eat it.

SM: So you're not primitively attracted to a gorgeous female wearing a yukata and geta, sheepishly smiling at you from behind her sensu fan, practically begging you to come over?

WU: In this hypothetical, I would indeed walk over to her, but not because of a primitive attraction to her. I'd do it because she's asked me to come over to her and no decent human would say no.

S: (eyes rolling) Of course you would.

RP: Maybe she needs my help, too?

SM: (whacks Red on the arm) No, you will not.

RP: No, I will not.

WU: Oh Red, anata wa kawaisou.

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Unlike you, Red has his priorities in order.

WU: Sure I do. The four of us will be together forever.

RP: Hey Cap, where's our ryokan?

WU: South, about 1.5 kilometers.

RP: You mean we're not staying in Gion?

WU: Sadly, no. This touristy area is fully booked a year ahead. On the bright side, on the way back there's this temple that had a giant crest of the Jodo Mission. I wanted to walk past and see if it's interesting.

The four start walking south, taking Wu-chan's lead.

SM: At night?

WU: Yeah? Why not?

SM: Aren't buddhist temples creepy at night? Don't they bury priests on the premises?

WU: Don't be silly. Besides, we're just peering in to see if it's worth visiting when it's open.

S: What if we see ghosts?

WU: Of a priest?

S: A priest with unresolved anger.

WU: Ha. No such thing! Okay, we turn left here.

RP: (slightly apprehensive) Are you sure, Cap?

WU: Oh, I didn't realize it would be this poorly lit. Watch out everyone, it's a very long staircase. Do you want me to hold your hand, Syil?

S: (brushes Wu-chan's hand away) Pssh. I don't need you to hold my hand.

WU: Oh, we're here. I uh, I can't see anything inside.

RP: Oh well I guess we just need to come back in the day, shall we go to the ryokan now?

WU: Hold up, let's walk around to the side. Watch your step everyone.

Walking around to the side street, the entire temple is surrounded by a 10-foot tall wall.

S: I don't think we'll be able to look inside, Wu-chan.

WU: Well, since we're here let's just keep walking around the edge. Maybe we'll get lucky. Oh, here's a map. Now let's see, where are we?

S, RP, SM: ...

WU: Oh, I think we're at the rear corner. If we just go around it, I think we'll have covered the entire perimeter that's accessible.

S, RP, SM: ...

WU: Guys?

Syvil turns Wu-chan around.

WU: Oh. Oh wow.

S: Warui, we're in the middle of a cemetery with floating balls of fire!

WU: (pulling out his external optical recording device) Hold on.

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Are you trying to record this?

WU: Of course! I've never seen hitodama before!

S: (dragging Wu-chan by the neck) We're not sticking around for a bakemono to appear!

SM: (in front, leading everyone out, grabs Red's hand) Everyone grab each other's hand and call out the hand you have. We're getting out of here. Red!

RP: Syvil!

S: Wu-chan!

WU: Uh oh.

S: Wu-chan?

WU: Then, whose hand am I holding with my other hand?

Everyone makes a mad dash out of the cemetery, too scared to look back, while the temple's resident priest grins and waves bye to the crew of the Black Flea.

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

At midnight

In Omihachiman city, Shiga, Japan

The crew of the Black Flea parked the Baby Black Flea near Lake Biwa, in Omihachiman, to explore the Hachiman-bori (canal), the fully reconstructed Azuchi Castle of Oda Nobunaga, then to go shopping. They never made it to the shops. It's nearly 10:00 pm.

S: Warui, this is your fault.

WU: Come on Syvil. We all agreed to take the boat to the wetlands.

S: I distinctly recall saying, “I don't know, Wu-chan, this seems like a really bad idea, maybe we should just stick to the Hachiman-bori area.”

WU: But you agreed on it.

S: Only because you got Red and Shoko to agree to do it and I didn't want to be the one you'd blame.

RP: To be fair, I only agreed because Cap really wanted to go explore the wetlands and I didn't want to say no.

SM: I thought Red wanted to go and I didn't want to say no to him.

WU: Well look on the bright side, the snow and the moon make it easy to see where we're going.

S: (staring with angry face at Wu-chan) But we're LOST.

WU:(looking back Syvil with big eyes) And how is it that our navigator can't find her way back?

S: (angrier look) These maps are wrong!

SM: I hope Meri is fine being all alone this long in the Baby Black Flea.

RP: Cap, you're cleaning the poop up.

WU: (pointing to bright lights in the distance) Just follow the lights.

S: (big sigh) That doesn't work. The canals don't go straight back, silly. They feed all the ag fields in the valley. Call the police for help.

WU: Who, me?

S: Yes, you. You got us into this.

WU: Okay I tell you what, we'll follow my intuition for the next 30 minutes and if we don't reach the main canal, I'll call the police for help.

RP: Sounds good, Cap.

SM: Mmm, okay.

S: Fine.

Two hours later, after going into Lake Biwa and going around in circles, the crew of the Black Flea has found their way back to town, just before midnight.

WU: Yatta!

S: Baka! We took longer than 30 minutes and we went around in circles.

WU: (pointing one finger up with a big grin) Just once! That was exciting, wasn't it?

SM: Could have been worse, we could have lost power on the boat in the middle of Lake Biwa, and drifted to the middle of the lake.

RP: Oh yeah, that would have been bad.

WU: But we didn't! Are we lucky or what?

The crew is walking back to the Baby Black Flea.

S: I'm telling Meri it was your fault. She's going to resent you for a while.

WU: Nah, she loves me. I'm her papa.

Door opens and Meri is barking excitedly and jumps onto Wu-chan.

WU: No, no! Oh gawd, Meri, how did you get yourself covered in poop?

S: (laughing, then gagging) Eww, this smells so bad! Come on Shoko and Red, we're getting a hotel room for the night while Warui cleans up the ship and Meri.

WU: Guys, aren't you going to help?

RP, SM, S: Nope.

WU: Guys. C'mon. Guys? Guys? You're coming back, right? Please? Oh gawd.

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

Jageda Industries advertising for its new mega building in South Korea. Jobs being offered “in the field of robotics, artificial intelligence, biophysiology, neurology, neural network design, and furries.”

Yes, furries.

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

10:30 am

Yamanashi Prefecture, Japan

After a freezing night in a cabin on Lake Motosu, the crew of the Black Flea bypassed the campgrounds at the next two lakes and stayed a night in a hotel room in the resort town of Kawaguchi. Rejuvenated, they moved onto the next village surrounding Lake Yamanakako on the northeast side.

S: You know, we don't have to visit every village. After a while, every farming village starts to look the same.

WU: Sure we do. I need to get around to see which area has the best view of Mount Fuji.

RP: I think we had the best view at Lake Motosu.

WU: It sure was! But, it's a campground. We can't live there.

S: (perplexed) What?

WU: You know how Earth's population never recovered after the Great War? Well, Japan's akiya banks are full, especially in farming towns.

RP: What does that have to do with living in view of Mount Fuji?

WU: Akiya banks are not literal banks. They're prefecture collections of abandoned homes. They're a burden on the prefecture as they rot away instead of bringing in taxes, so they confiscate them and sell them for really cheap.

S: You want to live in an abandoned home?

WU: Or build on an empty plot. They often clear the land when the structure is beyond saving, then sell the empty plots.

RP: Cool! Let's do it!

SM: Now hold on. We can't have a base on Mars and here.

WU: Why not? We come back to Earth at least once a year. We'd have a place to stay and we could buy some synthers to maintain it while we're gone.

S: You love burning through money, don't you?

WU: No, but all that money we're going to get from the Jageda job is going to need more than a few places to invest in.

RP: Let's do it!

Meri: Wuf!

WU: That's right, Meri. You'll be able to run around the field and we can play fetch!

Meri: Wuf, wuf, wuf!

WU: Meri, you want to come look for places to live?

Meri: Wuf, wuf, wuf!

SM: No Meri, I want you to stay back with me and Red so that we can work on your shell with stuff we got from Akihabara last week.

Meri: Wuh?

RP: Wuh? I can't go?

SM: No, I need your help on this.

S: I better go then.

WU: Yes! We can rent a couple of electric trikes! We'll have so much fun, Syvil!

Wu-chan rushes out the door before Syvil can respond.

S: Baka. I'm going to keep you out of trouble, Warui. Warui! Wa... Oh never mind.

Syvil rushes out the door to catch up.

RP: Aww, I wish I could go on an electric trike.

SM: When we finish we can catch up with them.

RP: Deal!

SM: For dinner.

RP: Aww.

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

1:05 pm

Shirakawa-go, Gifu Prefecture, Japan

After giving up the dream of a homestead along a lake near Mount Fuji, Wu-chan has convinced the team to fly their microship to Shirakawa-go and stick around for the weekend.

S: (ecstatic) Now this place, I could see living part of the year!

RP: Yeah, I like the rural mountain vibe here. No crime, air smells good, and the ancient architecture. Although, isn't it weird that almost everyone in this village is a synther?

SM: These rural agriculture village were some of the earliest to change over to non-human populations as Japan's demographics crashed.

WU: Do you think these synthers were modified to be especially patient and kind, on account of Shirakawa being a touristy heritage site?

S: Warui, do not push their buttons!

WU: What button? They're full synthers.

S: (unamused) You know what I mean. If you get arrested, we're leaving you here.

Wu-chan walks slyly behind an obaachan and makes a gesture towards the crew. Red is trying to hold in his laughter but Shoko and Syvil are desperately gesturing back to Wu-chan to stop.

WU: (making a funnel with his hands) Phhhhppt!

Red breaks down and starts rolling on the ground laughing. Shoko and Syvil are frozen in horror.

WU: (pretending to be surprised) Obaasan!

Grandma: (slowly turning around) Nani?

WU: (faking shocked expression) Kusai!

Grandma: (suddenly transforms into police officer and grows 2 feet) Nani?!?

WU: (freaked out) No, no no! Gomen nasai! It was me!

Grandma: URUSAI!

Syvil and Shoko join Red rolling around on the ground laughing.

Wu-chan quickly retreats back the the group.

WU: Oh man, we can't possibly live here.

S: We are definitely finding a place to buy here!

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

6:30 pm

Still in Shirakawa-go, Gifu Prefecture, Japan

Having failed to learn their lesson at Lake Motosu, the Black Flea crew once again chose a campground in Gokayama in the middle of winter. Partly because of this, the crew decided that the historic, heritage villages in and around Gokyama were less to their liking than Shirakawa-go. They decided to return to Shirakawa-go.

SM: Are you sure you want to keep a place in Shirakawa-go?

WU: I already signed a contract.

S: (glaring at Wu-chan) You did what?

WU: We all agreed this would be an ideal place to live, didn't we?

RP: Yeah! Meri, you're going to love living on a farm!

Meri: Wuf!

S: I thought we were going to discuss this more, after dinner?

WU: Oh Syvil, I know us too well. We'll talk about it then talk about it some more. Before you know it, we'll have talked ourselves out of it.

RM: That's our thing, though. We don't make rash decisions.

S: Warui!

WU: You guys want to go see it now?

S: Warui!

WU: I found a spot just on the edge of the village so that it doesn't need to adhere to the historical requirements of building a gassho house.

S: Warui!

WU: It has a nearly uninterrupted view into the valley and on the back side, a forest full of Hinoki!

S: Warui!

WU: Meri, you're going to love it! So much room to run and hunt for buta.

Meri: Wuf?

S: Warui!

WU: Wild boar.

Meri: (freaked out) Wwwuf?

S: Warui!

WU: Oh don't worry, just use your laser eyes on them. You're going to love roasted boar!

S: Warui!

WU: Yes Syvil?

S: How much did you spend?

WU: Well, that's the thing. It didn't cost much at all.

S: How much?

WU: Fifteen million yen. That's not even a fifth of what Doogé deposited in our account just to listen to him talk about doing the Jageda job.

S: (intense glaring) Warui!

WU: Yes?

S: Baka! This means the property is haunted!

Meri: (freaked) Wuuuf?!?

RP: Aww shoot.

SM: Ewww.

WU: (taken aback) What? No way. I read the contract and it didn't say anything about being haunted.

S: Since when did you learn to read Japanese?

WU: I just use my automated translation app to read it. It didn't say anything about ghosts.

S: Let me see that contract.

Wu-chan pulls the contract up on his tablet as Syvil starts looking it over.

S: (pointing at the contract) ...

WU: What? Yurei. I looked it up and it's something about oil? No big deal. We can dig it up and do some soil remediation by...

S: (back to glaring at Wu-chan) Baka! It's not “yurei”. It's “yūrei”!

WU: (confused look) Wait, so not oil?

Syvil types in “yūrei” into Wu-chan's tablet

WU: (suddenly deflated) Oh. Oh shit.

S: Everyone, congratulate Warui here for buying us a haunted house!

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

4:35 am

Near Busan, South Korea

Yesterday was Chinese New Years (year of the Fire Dragon). The crew of the Black Flea has been stuck inside of Jageda Industries overnight after the facility went into lockdown. What triggered the lockdown is unknown.

RP: I'm hungry. Does anyone have food?

WU: Sure, we had a whole tray of potstickers on the burner 10 hours ago. I'm sure they're still good, let me go down to the reception area and grab some.

RP: Grab the whole tray, will you?

WU: (whacking Red on the arm) Baka!

SM: (whacking Wu-chan on the arm) Don't hit Red!

S: (whacking Shoko on the arm) Only I can hit Warui!

RP: (whacking Syvil on the arm) Only I can hit Shoko! Wait, that didn't come out right.

WU: Let's go over this again. What happened?

S: After 15 minutes of trying to find the right room, we found the prototype shell. We had no problems getting in after disabling the locks and remotely putting the surveillance cams into loops.

SM: While you and Red were bored staring out the window, we were able to force load the malware package into the air-gapped system and access the data. We copied the entire local storage remotely into Meri's extra drive. Thanks, Meri.

Meri: Wuf!

S: We grabbed you bozos to leave and just before we could open the door, the alarms went off and every door was locked.

WU: And there were no sentinels roaming on the air-gapped system?

SM: If there were, it would have triggered while we were downloading, not 5 minutes later.

S: Did you guys see anything weird going on outside?

RP: No. I mean, at the time, no.

SM: What do you mean, “at the time?”

RP: About 10 minutes after the alarms went off and we were in lockdown, I saw an air ambulance fly towards the roof landing zone, and then after another 15 minutes I saw it fly away.

S: Wait, what? Why didn't you mention this earlier?

RP: Oh, well, no one asked.

Syvil, Shoko, and Wu-chan all whack Red on the arm.

RP: Ow, hey!

Syvil pulls up the news on her AR lens.

S: Aww hell.

SM: What?

S: The GEO of Jageda suffered a fatal cerebral aneurysm and his BrainCopy was corrupted. They suspect an assassination.

WU: Aww hell. I knew it was bad luck. Shoko and Red were born in the year of the Dog, which is incompatible with the year of the Dragon. We should have done this the day before the new lunar year!

S: Oh come on, you don't actually believe in that horoscope stuff, do you? If that's the case, why do you and I get along so well?

WU: It takes a lot of work.

S: (whacks Wu-chan on the arm) Urusai!

SM: You know, you two are sometimes hot and cold.

RP: Fire and ice.

SM: Oil and water.

RP: Shark and dolphin.

SM: Proton and electron.

S: Okay, okay we get it. Sheesh.

WU: So here's my plan. We're going to dismantle the dilapidated haunted house and rebuild from the ground up, after we have the site blessed. That should get rid of any obake, right?

RP: ...

SM: ...

S: Warui! We're stuck inside Jageda and you're thinking about the house in Shirakawa-go?

WU: Uh huh.

S: Are you crazy?

WU: What? All we need to do is get outside, right?

RP: You make it sound so simple, Cap.

SM: And how are we going to achieve that through a lockdown?

WU: Easy. We exit through the interstitial ceiling and use Meri's laser to cut a hole through the corrugated roof panel. According to the structural plans, it's not a composite deck, so there's no concrete to worry about. We'll have to cut a tiny hole first, to launch a microdrone to confirm if the roof is clear, but then it should be relatively quick to cut that hole for us to pass through. Once on top of the roof, Syvil will remotely pilot the Baby Black Flea in stealth mode. You'll have to use the VTOL to bring it in nearly vertically from about a kilometer above the facility, but you're really good at this. Just remember to keep the lights off and turn on the NC transmitters. We can't do anything about the gust from the VTOL but at least no one will see or hear the Baby Black Flea landing. Don't forget to turn off all of the microship's alarms, Syvil.

S, RP, SM: ...

WU: What?

S: Did you have this plan in your head the entire time and held back from sharing, or did you just think this up?

WU: I mean, I didn't have all the details in place until about two hours ago, but it was stewing in my head for the last eight hours. Why?

Syvil, Shoko, and Red all whack Wu-chan on the arm as Meri sneers at Wu-chan.

S: Warui! We could have been out of here two hours ago!

SM: (giving the stink eye to Wu-chan) You're treating us to Korean barbecue.

RP: Real meat, not the fake stuff.

Meri: Wuf!

WU: Guys, is that any way to treat your Dear Leader who came up with an impeccable escape plan?

S, SM, RP: YES!

Meri: WUF!

---

— The Warubozu Usagi

11:45 am

Busan, South Korea

With South Korea putting a ban on travel to and from the country following the sudden death of Jageda's GEO, the crew of the Black Flea have holed up in Busan along the coast near Lotteworld.

RP: It's a Lotteworld after all, it's a Lotteworld after all, it's Lotteworld after all, it's a Lo...

SM: Red, I will rewrite your memory to erase that song if you don't stop.

RP: (runs behind Wu-chan) But it's a Lotte, Lotteworld!

WU: Shoko, don't do it. Red's just a little boy trapped inside the body of a silly Tanuki, wanting to desperately go to Lotteworld!

SM: I don't care. That song's coming out of his memory.

RP: Save me, Cap, you're my only hope!

— editor's note, in the future, clichés are banned, so enjoy them while you can —

S: Stop it, you two. Shoko's only kidding. But seriously, Red, I will shoot your tongue, cut it out, and set it on fire if you keep singing that song.

RP: Aww. Cap, we're done for.

WU: (changing the subject) Speaking of done, I've finished designing our new house in Shirakawa-go.

S: When do you find the time to do all this stuff?

WU: What do you mean? We've been stranded in Busan for over a day with lots of time on our hands.

RP: Ehtou, nani kore?

WU: It's a three story house with four bedrooms and an outdoor covered rooftop.

RP: That's a house?

WU: What do you mean? Of course it is.

RP: But it doesn't look like a house.

WU: Well, I thought I'd borrow some Ghibli themes to create an idiosyncratic, dynamic structure.

RP: I love it! I mean, I don't understand it, but I love it!

WU: Thanks, Red!

SM: Looks like late-20th century Decon. I can live here.

WU: Uhh, thanks?

S: (turns tablet sideways, then upside-down) Looks like a giant dog pooped on a house and it partially collapsed from the weight of the poop.

WU: (unamused) ...

S: What? I didn't say I hated it.

WU: So it's fine with you?

S: Whoa, I didn't say that. That's Corten steel, isn't it? That'll stain everything. That has to go. And the windows are too big. It's going to be a freezer here in the winter.

WU: Whew! Glad you approved of the design. They're scheduled to start building tomorrow.

S: Wait, what?

WU: When we get there, they will have finished printing the shell in place. Another week and the exterior will be completed. In the meantime, how about we go to Lotteworld?!?

RP: Yay, Lotteworld! It's a Lotteworld after all. It's a Lotte...

---

— The Warubozu Usagi