Things become more and more clear when I get more confidence on myself. (Please be confident!)
I have 3 expected goals for my PhD. Let's see if those can come true:
1. I want to publish at least one paper on a high-profile journal. (Here high-profile journal refers to Science, Nature, etc.)
2. I want to publish at least one paper which combines experiment with (model) simulation. (It means that the work should have both mathematical model as the foundation and real experimental results.)
3. I want to publish at least one paper about pure theory.
I had a long conversation with D today.
He asked me what attracts me to stay in this field.
I said that systems built by molecules are elegant and beautiful.
Then he said what if people asked or challenged whether these research could be useful.
I replied not every research should be directly applied. Some research does not have immediate application, but other people may be inspired and find that later.
D agreed and talked about other examples.
I am deeply moved by this song.
I believe that everyone has a dream, a dream that you have fought for but were unable to achieve before. While no matter how hard it is, you are still fighting towards it. Then the dream becomes your belief, the light in the dark time, which drives you to learn, to explore, to step into the fear of unknown, to pick you up from where you fell...
I gradually feel that I am on the right track of doing science.
I do love to talk with D and contact with E or L or their postdocs/graduate students.
What is beautiful science? Beautiful, is an objective word. How I understand beautiful science is the science that can stimulate people for deep understanding the world or the system you build/create, that may not be directly related to application, that is challenging, attractive and fun.
F is now in the US. We chat with each other every day through Skype. He tells me a lot about HY's lab there.
1. Students work from 8/9 am to 5/6 pm. There are no people in the lab at night or on weekends.
2. jsx and zf are assigned to teach him the basic technology in their lab. And jsx works on DNA Computing (?).
3. Most of students in the HY lab are from China so that they speak Chinese most of the time.
4. Every student in the HY lab has his own refrigerator and a pair of pipette.
5. Fan does not need to do rotations or TA.
HY's lab may have a lot of differences compared with A's. And every time F tells me about the HY lab, I really admire him and feel worried and confused about my own future.
Here I want to list part of the emails I got last year and I hope I can get courage every time I see them.
It has been about two weeks since I got back to China. I really appreciate about what the trip to the US showed me. Although finally I am not admitted by Caltech, I find it valuable that I got to know and think how much the other competitors are better than me. A did give me great pressure when I talked to him, while I still feel thankful for the talk. I do remember most of the conversations between those great professors NP, E, L, P and A, which inspire me to think thoroughly about my own research interests and future development.
Arrive at Hilton Pasadena. Share a room with a girl from Minnesota.
和一个来自帝国理工的亚裔男生和一个来自纽约的美国女生一起坐hilton hotel的shuttle到了Caltech。去的时候graduate students还在布置poster session的会场，我们就在campus里面转了转, of course I have no idea what those buildings are. 那个美国的女生据说是已经毕业了然后在公司工作了3年做一些和gene相关的工作。
I feel tired of staying at this lab because I am kind of puzzled about my role here. I am not a graduate student and now I cannot buy any reagent myself. While I am not like other undergraduate students since I have been staying here for about 1.5 years and have more research experiences.
When I want to view myself as a graduate student, others will emphasize that I am just an undergraduate. When I want to view myself as an undergraduate, some people will ask me to do some complex and unexpected work because of my ability.
What is my role? I am in sore need of answer and respect!
Perhaps we students applying for universities all suffer from the obsession — checking for email boxes a plenty of times a day. Not hearing from XC these days, I read all the emails again from the professors I contacted. Here's part of Da's.