Personal Journal


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from The reasons to store and move your belongings with the same company

Foolproof Assistance for Safe and Cozy Move

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Packers and movers Delhi @

Movers and packers Delhi @


from 0Pranav

While the title says number one this is the second Monday of quitting my job. Let's go over the reasons I quit my job first 1. Restrictive infrastructure: While the company employed a hundred people the state of the infrastructure was never that great. Half the days internet would not work and the other days only ethernet would work. 2. Limited opportunity to learn: While there were people in the company who had years of experience working in the software industry. Most of them had nothing to offer as far as learning goes. This combined with the menial financial compensation meant it was inevitable for me to quit sooner rather than later.

Let's talk about what I've been upto after I quit my job obviously excluding applying to new jobs. I've been trying to get into DevOps more, not because I want to pursue a career in DevOps but more because of the fact that it's useful knowledge to have, especially when you are working as a web developer. And it is still interesting. I started working on a 2019 rework for my website, it's been going along great so far. This also gave me an opportunity to work on my frontend skills. I've also been toying around with flutter, but mobile developemnt doens't really seem like my thing. I'm also trying to learn a systems programming language, but I am confused beetween Rust and C++, maybe I'll write more about this conflict in a seperate post, just to clear my mind. Currently going through the amazing C++ Primer book by Stanley B. Lippman. Here's what I want to accomplish before I start a new job: -Be somewhat competant at managing servers -Learn to use Sockets, GraphQL and a GraphDB -Message brokers and microservice architecture -PWA stuff such as storage, notifications and location

I'll keep posting here till someone tell me not to do so. See ya!




will be officially over in 24 hours!

i'll be posting my thoughts here about each game. feel free to message me @fencedforest on twitter if you'd like to be quoted here saying something about a game submitted to a jam.


from a fenced forest

jam time.

approximately 36 hours until the deadline for Never Alone Jam. let's pretend i think i'm going to have a decent draft ready by then! i have ... a draft ... but as usual, it turned into a bigger project than is reasonable and i'm still unsure where i want to make cuts. the thing i'm working on is Greenbelts & Gardens, a set of family-friendly games/rituals designed to facilitate spiritual connection with nature while living in a city. i want to hand-publish it as a zine eventually ... so that's why it's not finished.

i'm also plateauing. it's no longer a free slide down a greased hill like it always is at first when i get this into learning a thing. suddenly i have to push myself and that takes a lot more energy than i sometimes know to budget for. i refuse to get burnt out on game design though. it's too important. so i stepped back a bit, and that's another reason i'm not finished. spoon assigning is important too. i'd rather sit back and wait to develop something good over time than push myself past healthy to get out something mediocre.

oh also i started playing in a Dungeon World campaign! it's the first time i've ever played an RPG with strangers through voice chat and i was terrified, but it was really fun and i'm super invested now. if you like campaign journals, i'm keeping mine on a separate blog here under my same account. apparently this system and this mode of playing let me take way better notes than i do when running D&D, so that's rad.

i'm finally settling into a regular job schedule as well, so that should lend some stability to my internet and work habits soon, and maybe even let me buy y'all's games finally.

still taking a break from twitter but i'll be back tomorrow night when the jam ends. much love


from dungeon world campaign journal


Holy shit!! Holy compost pile horse manure!!! It's really hard to write down everything that happens when things are happening!

I started that new job they offered me. It's not a very often thing, but when we go, we go.

WE WENT THROUGH A PORTAL AND STOLE A MAGIC STATUE FROM A GIANT SNAKE. AND THE GIANT SNAKE TRIED TO EAT ME BUT I BLOCKED IT WITH MY MACE. We escaped on this rad vine that the alchemist made sprout out of the ground instantly, it just sort of grew up out of the pit with us riding on it??? The snake messed up the statue though, it used to be able to prevent all injury in its vicinity apparently but now it just makes it less. That's really cool. We're gonna use it to protect the Hub.

I feel really weird about taking the statue away from another place where people were probably using it. I don't like that. But we do need to protect our home too. I just hope nobody comes looking for it.

All of that was a while ago. We got paid for doing that job and I had a shield inlaid to match my mace and embossed with the Crone's flowers. Nobody's come for the statue yet.

I started back up again doing work at the poverty clinic, like I was before I got selected. I have time again now that my studies have tapered off. And now, I have help from my new colleagues! Luke has started bringing me deliveries of medicines from Pipette's atelier. I'm still a little spooked after seeing what some of these vials can do, but now I've seen the medicines' potency as well, and I'm so grateful. The improved turnaround time on pneumonia cases alone is astounding, and the zinc salve I've been giving out for boot rash has every mercenary in town at my door. I've been hard at work too, building a garden of herbs in each windowbox of the clinic so we don't have to send to market for as many things. One of the children comes through to water them daily when I'm out on a job, usually Ardwin or Melisend.

I hope this is the beginning of greater friendship between the dwarven quarter and the rest of the Hub. We could really use it, all of us.

ALIGNMENT: Good — I will endanger myself to aid others.


  • The Hub is my home. I will protect it as is my family's duty.
  • Luke is a dependable colleague, who I hope will come to see me as a friend.
  • Pipette is very smart, but seems as much in danger from their own magic as from outside threats. I must watch out for their welfare especially closely.




from dungeon world campaign journal


Wow, some of those people were so drunk that I even felt it.

That was fun though. I do now understand why humans have these rituals — it's nothing like anything we have in dwarven culture because dwarven culture is not about opening up to other cultures. Either you fit in here or you don't. Humans might be the first ones dead of curiosity in a slasher play, but you couldn't ever accuse them of not living their short lives to the fullest. We like to rag on them for it, but it's at times like these when they really shine. Always the life of the party. I've never seen energy like that in a mead hall.

I learned how to bluff! I can't believe it. I, Sigrid Luthgard, managed to fool somebody and take their money. They got me back the next round. But that was fun. It's kind of like acting.

I met some really cool people too. There was a big talking dog! I know there are a lot of different types of folk in the Hub, but I don't get out of the house much. I had not yet met a talking dog before. He's very nice. There were a lot of humans there, a couple of them were with the dog and they said they were all mercenaries together. One had a cool floating lantern. Another one had hair a color that I don't even know the name of. They were really nice too. Two of them weren't drinking but one of them got very drunk and told me about something I think they weren't supposed to.

There's another gate!!! There's a ninth gate under the Hub. And it isn't closed. And it goes to different places. And these people work for an organization that supervises it. AND THEY OFFERED ME A JOB.

Well, they sort of had to, I think, because they told me by accident. But it's perfect! What better way to “Be among the people” than by going to different worlds? At first they thought maybe I wasn't strong enough. So I showed them I was by healing someone there who had their arm in a cast. That made me really tired but they thought it was cool and offered me a job. So that was worth it. I'm going tomorrow to see the gate!

I'm really nervous. But I think it'll be fun.


from dungeon world campaign journal


“Crone's Cleric Luthgard.”

Yeah, that still feels weird.

For one thing, nobody around here remembers a time when great-great-grandma Aramintha wasn't the Crone Cleric Luthgard. Hardly anyone manages to live that long.

For another, nobody but dwarves give one sliver of a fuck about the Crone Cleric, and none of my friends are dwarves.

For another still, it's not like I had my whole life to get ready for this responsibility. We all knew it might happen to us, but there are, what, thirty of us eligible? And usually we have more time. Usually, the Cleric should be not such a stubborn ass and wait so long to tell us she's dying. Usually, the acting Cleric ought not to wade into battle with their nose in a book because they haven't finished learning their incantations yet. Usually. But hey, in most families, having thousands of bees swarm through your open window to cover you in glowing light is not considered an auspicious portent, either.

Old Nana Minty was the closest I think a person could ever be to having the very mind of the Blessed Crone Herself. A brick shithouse til the day she dropped. I definitely inherited her physique, but I'm not so sure about the personality. Maybe it comes. Maybe it wasn't ever her who was like that. Maybe that's the Crone. Who could recall?

Anyway, I'm tired, but it sounds like none of my siblings have yet gotten over the novelty of being finally allowed to drink. My confirmation has been a great occasion for months of partying. I, on the other hand, am glad to find the smell of mead unappealing, as I imagine much misery would result from holding the alternative view in a situation like mine. Alas, the honeywine from my flask goes only to the earth.

Tomorrow, I'm going to something called a “poker game”, which is apparently some sort of human gambling that's used as an excuse for bonding. I'm not sure why humans need excuses for bonding. Or complicated rules for gambling. But hey. I'm only 29. I'm practically a child still. What do I know? “Be among the people,” that's what they tell me. So I'm gonna.

“Every Cleric keeps a chronicle,” that's another thing they tell me. So I guess I'm really going to act my young age and write in a diary. Good night.


from a fenced forest

morning divination #1

i've learned that when i wake up in the morning with my blood up like this and everything getting to me real close, i should take a minute and do some tarot.

today i'm asking, “what is a source of peace close at hand?”

i'm using the Marigold Tarot by Amrit Brar ( this is my absolute favorite deck, i can't recommend it loudly enough. pay her.

i drew two cards side by side, the left representing what comes from within and the right representing what can be found outside myself.

the left-hand card is the ace of swords reversed. god, that's so me. a great amount of force brought to bear upon a situation in a single blow is sometimes both a huge risk and the only solution possible. no one's ever questioned my capacity for indiscriminate bludgeoning. if there's anything i ever have to offer, it's that.

the right-hand card is the three of rings reversed. upright, this card speaks to collaboration, delegation, and group work moving smoothly. there is a sense of machine hum. this card tends to present its reversal negatively in general, but in this placement it just signifies that the opposite situation — solitary work — is what's favorable here instead.

i asked the cards this question because i was feeling blood-up about stuff i saw on twitter; my cards efficiently responded “ignore them and bang out yr own shit by yrself.” thanks, cards.

by way of clarification, i draw a third card without shuffling: “where should i focus my efforts?”

the devil, reversed. liberation. resisting temptation into situations which hold me captive. this is literally “get off twitter.”



from Jared Sinclair

Some attempts at answers for Kazumi Chin (@kazumiochin):

Is playing tic tac toe slash increasingly complex non narrative games world as earth?

I'm going to make the strong claim here, because that's my way; I still think the weaker versions of the argument probably carry weight.

Tic Tac Toe does qualify for this World-as-Earth business, though probably not in a compelling way. This is the ontological situation that allows for play to have rhetorical content, but it doesn't guarantee that that content will be potent or anything. Tic Tac Toe probably doesn't have as much to say about the human condition as D&D does. But it probably says something, and even if it doesn't, that doesn't exclude it from the ontological possibility.

I actually arrived at this conception by thinking about non-narrative strategy games (not TTRPGs, initially). There's a procedural rhetoric to these things (Persuasive Games, Bogost, 2007), but I was unsatisfied with both the metaphysical and practical dimensions outlined (or not) in that book. So this Heidegger stuff is the metaphysical part; the practical part is Virtue Theory, which I haven't gotten to yet.

Is a tournament which is a set of rules itself a world as earth; a martial arts tournament for example, is that art? A tic tac toe tournament? does it need to be sufficiently complex?

A tournament is a kind of meta-structure that can qualify itself as a game (maybe it must be a game), and can therefore set up the World-as-Earth dynamic. Or at least has the ability to confer game-ness onto some endeavor.

A martial arts tournament seems completely indistinguishable from, say, a Magic: the Gathering tournament, to me. There is a game of martial arts, separate from the practice of using it to actually fight “enemies,” that has rules and structures and such. I imagine there are rules against snapping your opponent's neck in tournament play, for example, which distinguishes it from non-play fighting (I'm not willing to fully exclude non-game fighting from game-ness, but I'm also not ready to defend it, as yet). And there is some relatively complex rhetorical content to a martial arts tournament, for instance with regard to violence and its place in the world and in our lives. This rhetorical content resides not merely in the discourse surrounding the game among participants, but in the structure of play itself. The discourse, I argue, is to some huge degree determined by the structure of play; they inform each other. And yes, that gives it the same capacity for being art that other forms of play have.

Increased complexity seems to correspond to increased capacity for rhetorical content, and for art. So Tic Tac Toe's simplicity sharply limits its ability to make arguments, and to be art.

*If the game play is art but the rules themselves are not, does that mean that for example blood piece in my Twitter banner is not art until someone plays it? What does it mean to play it then? Can I think about it? Is that sufficiently playing? What is the threshold of play?

And if a set of instructions is not art until it becomes a world, then is a poem not art until it is read? And only in the reading? So what’s the point of making the distinction? Isn’t it always true art is only art in the instance of engagement?*

I would not make the argument play is art while rules are not. I might make the argument that engaging with art is when it comes into “fullness of being” or whatever, but then art is always-already engaged with—by the artist, if by no one else. The creative process is play, and play is a creative process.

Now as far as the audience goes: is the act of reading/thinking about rules a creative act? This seems nearly identical to the question of whether reading a stageplay is a “valid artistic experience” of the play, as opposed to seeing it performed, or performing it yourself. And I think it's fairly straightforward to say yes: the work of art is polyvalent in form, and therefore too in experience.

This is all just normal old context: I read a game, I imagine it, I play it. I read a stageplay, I imagine it, I watch it, I perform it. I have a cold, I'm drunk, I'm 31 years old. All of these things affect and inform our interaction with the art, but none of them change the essential nature of our interaction.

So for games, which set up the World-as-Earth dynamic, it might be useful to construe these contextual elements of our interaction with the game as an Earth that we bring to it, in addition to the World-as-Earth the game sets up. That's not something I've spent a lot of time unpacking, but it seems worth thinking about.


from Personal Blog

Did you know you can pin any blog post to your blog's navigation bar? This could include pages such as an About or Contact page, or anything else you may desire. To pin a blog post, follow these steps:

  1. Publish a post to your blog
  2. Go to your blog home page by clicking your blog name in the top-left corner
  3. Hover over the post
  4. Click Pin

That's it! You'll see a link to that post from every page on your blog.


from caixadelivros

Martín Santomé está quase completando 50 anos. É viúvo de Isabel, tem 3 filhos adolescentes, não tem uma relação assim maravilhosa com eles e os dias dele são repetitivos e “cinzentos”. Ele resolve manter um diário no qual conta os dias para a sua tão sonhada aposentadoria – mas a questão central é que ele não faz ideia do que fazer com o ócio quando finalmente chegar o último dia derradeiro de trabalho. Aí vem o golpe do tempo, aí vem a vida pregando a peça: ele conhece Avellaneda, uma moça que trabalha no seu escritório.

E então... pois é, ele volta a conhecer o amor, parece que o coração dele veste uma roupa mais jovem. Como se ele, no alto dos seus quarenta e nove anos, comprasse roupas de adolescente e as vestisse no dia a dia. Mas até quando isso vai durar?

Eu diria que A Trégua é tipo uma narrativa sobre os relacionamentos — humanos, amorosos, afetivos, de amizade, de cumplicidade. A Trégua, na verdade, é sobre o amor. Leiam.

Leia mais...

from The reasons to store and move your belongings with the same company

Few packers and movers will simply come to your place for transporting your belongings to your final destination. Obviously, the requirements of the time of that organization will not be more. But when you hire the packers and movers for managing all, then obviously, they need long periods for preparing the whole activities. They will pack for you; offer you special transportation, and lots of logistical planning, and all these demand time. It is true that when the process is going on, then if some belongings can be stored, then space will be created and it will be comfortable for the packers and movers as well. But, the question is where can you store your stuff? If you have the same question in mind and don’t know where you get the reply, then this article needs to follow that will tell you how hiring the packers and movers that will offer you the storage will be beneficial. Why you should store through the moving company If the appointed movers and packers will give you the storage facility as well, then it will give you the below facilities:

• Convenience When you work with the same organization for both then it will be convenient for you. If you need to work with two different organizations, then you have to coordinate with the same. You should be sure that the items reach the place on time. At the same time, placing the same and more should be perfect. Otherwise, the problems can be knocked on you. Working for the same will claim for sudden parameters, and you can’t cross it. But when you are associated with the reputed movers and packers, then the policies and more will be clear for you. Also, it will be easy for you to track the contract, estimate and more for one organization. So, it will be highly needed to give preference to that movers and packers Bangalore that will provide you the storage and other services as well related to the moving.

• The right Assistance from the experts If you select the organization that is different from the packers and movers Pune, then the responsibility of yours will be more. You should be there to unload the belongings and also your responsibility is to set them on its place. If you think this is all, then you are mistaking, you need to reload the belongings on your own. It can be possible that as per their policies, you may carry the things to the location as well. So, these are the circumstances; you may face if you take the responsibility of the storage on your own. But when you have the same movers and packers in Chandigarh for storing and moving to the new location, then everything will be managed by the experts, no need is there to invest your times. So, it will be always good to select the perfect movers and packers for both the works.

• The average cost will be low Your desire is to storage place on your own, then really you may need to pay more for the services. But when you select the packers and movers for moving and storing both, then the cost may reduce. At the same time, you don’t need to pay the charges related to the transporting, placing them and more. You may have the package deals from the movers and packers. When you hire them, the multiple costs will be in one and it decreases the total cost for sure.

• No place for stress When you get all the services from the packers and movers Bangalore, then it will give you the peace of mind. You don’t need to coordinate anything; everything will be done by the experts. So, leave the duties to the movers and packers, and you may be busy somewhere else to make your place perfect through planning and more. Now, time is to take your call and plan it rightly. Regardless, these are the reasons that will truly guide you to determine that giving the responsibility of the moving and storage to the movers and packers will be the right decision. So, don’t waste your time thinking much, know how much expertise they have as the Packers and Movers, the service quality of them, and then you set to take your call. Surely, the perfect experience will be there for you. Don’t forget to review the services because there are many people who also have the same doubts and when you share your experience, then it will be good for them to take the call as the way they are opting for.

Packers and movers in Pune @

Packers and movers in Bangalore @


from caixadelivros

Elisa Lispector foi tão bruxa das letras quanto a irmã, a Dona Clarice. Ela foi uma escritora muito habilidosa, mas ofuscada pelo brilho da sua consanguínea. Em ‘O Muro de Pedras’, temos uma ode à solidão, um solilóquio introspectivo protagonizado por Marta. Depois que a mãe parte em uma viagem de navio sem perspectiva de volta, a filha se vê diante de um monstro: a liberdade.

Sim, ela descobre que essa tão desejada ‘liberdade’ era um prisão. Paradoxal, não? Marta se desfaz do marido, pois era infeliz, e vai em busca de explorar o mais íntimo do seu ser. ✏️”Marta não dizia sim, não dizia não. Mudava. Hesitava. E os dias assim iam-se arrastando numa sequência morna e uniforme, encobertos por densa bruma. Jogada para dentro de si mesma, ela se encolhia, procurando abrigo dentro do seu novelo de solidão e da falta de ressonância. E, quando o novelo se desenrolava, prolongava-se numa vaguidão aflitiva, ela resvalando para um tédio comprido. Então dormia um sono vazio como a morte, um sono sem fundo e sem praias.” (p. 52)

O livro ganhou o Prêmio de Romance José Lins do Rêgo, de 1962, por uninamidade. O júri: Rachel de Queiroz, Otávio de Faria e Adonias Filho. Um achado na Estante Virtual que vou guardar pra sempre.

Leia mais...

from Jared Sinclair

So this is an attempt to succinctly lay out some games studies stuff I've been cooking on for a while. The basic thrust is applying Heidegger's aesthetics to games, then going to Levinas to understand the interpersonal and ethical implications of games. I conceive of this structure as extending to forms of games outside of RPGs, so I'll likely draw on board games and/or video games, as well as RPGs, as examples throughout.

It's my hope that someone, anyone, will find this useful or at least comprehensible. We'll see.

I. Earth and World

So first I need to explain some Heideggerian terminology. I don't really understand Heidegger (who does?), so it's probably best to read this as “some dude's misreading of Heidegger” and hope it's worthwhile by the end. If you'd like to get this stuff straight from the horse's mouth, go read The Origin of the Work of Art.

Heidegger, in attempting to position the work of art ontologically, arrives at two complex concepts: Earth and World. The work of art sets up a struggle between these two. We'll start with World.

An object's World is the entire web of significations associated with it. His example is a table: it is connected to the people who sit at it, the conversations had around it, the carpenter who made it, the meals eaten and work done at it, and so on. And each of those things has a further world, connecting them to further things.

Earth is the the set of background assumptions and conditions upon which the World of the object emerges. It is outside of World, and gives World its shape. It's the materials the object is made from, and the circumstances that prompted its creation, as well as the implicit background assumptions necessary for every utterance and representation. Art objects, for Heidegger, set up a kind of tension between Earth and World.

The work of art is inherently a World; it contains its own set of significations, it coheres within itself and to other objects. It also inherently appeals to Earth, highlighting the implicit assumptions that give the World of the object its shape (this is tied to the old idea in poetry that every poem is an ars poetica). That is to say, a work of art seeks by its nature to reveal Earth, to illuminate it; but Earth resists revelation. Earth is ineffable and unintelligible.

This struggle—the World of the work of art seeking to ground the Earth, to pull Earth down from the divine into the world of intelligibility—is the creation of Truth (concealment is a necessary precondition for unconcealment, aletheia, etc). And the work of art shows us this process, eternally deadlocked. World illuminates Earth, and Earth resists illumination, and the work of art sits uncomfortably in the space created by the equilibrium of that process.

There's a lot in there, and a lot I've left out, but it should serve as a starting point.

II. World-as-Earth, Magic Circle, Tournaments, Bleed

So here's where we get to my shit. I posit that games occupy a relatively unique ontological position, compared to the description of the work of art above. Everything above applies (games create a World against the background Earth of our shared universe), but games also set up an “Inside,” microcosmic version of that same Earth-World dynamic in each individual play.

As an object (that is, outside of play), the game is a World and interacts with Earth in the expected ways, etc. In play, however, the World of the game-outside becomes Earth to the play-inside. The game becomes the set of background assumptions upon which players act; I'm calling this World-as-Earth. And player action/interaction inside the World-as-Earth constitutes a kind of inside-World (or a set of inside-Worlds) that seeks to illuminate and reveal the World-as-Earth of the game.

This has some unexpected consequences, not least of which is: playing games (not merely the games themselves, but playing them) is, in the firmest and most emphatic terms, art.

This also sets up the game as a limn, a kind of nexus connecting our outside experience of the game-in-itself as an art-object to our inside experience of our playing of the game as art. And the game is able, under some circumstances, to allow the passage of information from outside to inside, or vice versa.

In the case of information traveling from inside the play of a game to our lived existences outside of the game, we have a few terms for that. LARPers talk about “bleed,” board gamers and TTRPG people have the “magic circle.” These are both acknowledgements of the game's permeability; what is World inside the game can travel across the game-as-Earth, through the game-as-World, and finally into the universe outside. This is typically something to be guarded against, or at least regarded with caution. The World inside the game is often a place different enough from our own that we must be careful how much of it we allow into our capital-R Reality.

I'd also like to point to tournament rules for games that have tournaments. This is another way we conceive of the permeability of the limn between the game-outside and the play-inside. After all, what are tournament results except information from inside the play of a game that has made its way out into the universe outside, and is used to rank real people. I want to attempt to be clear: these rankings are not merely rankings of plays, but rankings of people and their abstracted/embodied ability to play well. Put another way, it's not that tournaments rank players-in-a-game, but that they rank people and their ability to be a player of the game. Ultimately, the inside information garnered in play is used to pass judgement outside, not inside.

III. Next Steps

I plan to write an explanation of how this Heideggerian conception of the Art-ness of games gets us to an ethical understanding of games. For that, I'm going to go to my boy Levinas. But that'll have to wait until tomorrow, because this is more than enough baffling prose for one day.


from a fenced forest

some kind of justifications for myself in this space.

these thoughts will not be in a reasonable order.

i feel like the last couple of months have just ... contained so much. i feel like i shed a serpent skin and became a new, older, truer, more natural version of myself, like a rotting onion with the good in the middle still, like i'm pared down smaller than ever and yet more valuable to myself than ever. it's funny what just making things can do for a person's health. and getting feedback on those things.

influences. how do i talk about influences in this space without getting too intimate with people i just met who live across the world? how do i show appreciation for what has been given to me without making pronouncements on the nature of the people or their work or their situations?

i do know, i've gone afield to find the people whose values match mine and i think this is the end of how long it takes. god i'd be ready to rest my head now.

around us is the worst of humanity possible very much in action. i have gotten to a place where i can just barely have enough to survive. what i can do for the world is not in material means. what i can do is stop being ashamed and discouraged to do the same damn things i've been doing since i was a tiny child, creative things that killed me to suppress, and let them come out to be useful in some way to others. that's my surplus resource and my magic.

our government has always been killing children. it seems like so much in the capitalist world is set up so that children either succeed at becoming something less than themselves or die slowly. and this, this doesn't even give them a chance to try. it is adults' job to protect children. all adults. all children. this is a continuation of the anti-indigenous genocide carried out in missions and residential schools. the same genocidal society that brought me into existence, took me from half my ancestral culture and gave me unearned benefits because of my light skin, while still making sure i knew i was shit in their eyes. yeah i'm fucking angry.

and my anger isn't worth shit to anyone unless it can help.

you know what can help? with no money, no proximity, no physical ability, words and thoughts are fucking important. experiences, stories, perspectives. discussions that bring out new perspectives. what can help is anything that de-normalizes and roots out the culture of capitalist colonial heteropatriarchy.

the cool thing about games is that games are rituals. games teach and rituals are the things humans use to sort their shit out. running a game is creating a sacred space. the experiences of that space are heightened, able to alter the mind at a deeper level than an ordinary exchange. this is good to change minds who are open to change, and even more powerful to create safe spaces for people who are often unsafe. these don't have to be spaces where the content is safe, but they are spaces where consent is required and where difficult things are safe to explore in the company of like-minded others, within a ritual structure.

i've been a lot drawn toward making non-combat games that are either made to be played with children or in which the hero is a child. i've always felt alienated by children, until i realized that was on account of my upbringing, and that they, now more than ever, deserve whatever i can give to them. i will never choose to bear a child. i'm awkward around them. i get along mainly with the ones who are weird and lonely like i was, and i'm scared to death of what adults can do without realizing to a child like that. so i want to make games that care for them, that give people who care for them well a ritual framework. i'd like to eventually run games for children with their parents, sneaking in ways to help them relate to each other more healthily than capitalism requires. i don't know what i have to say about all this really, except that ... i don't know. people should think about this too. i hope they are. more than anything that's true, children deserve safety, and adults who were never safe as children deserve safety now. and sometimes safety can feel dangerous. and i would say that's something games can help with.

i have a lot of thoughts, and i sure as hell don't experience them linearly so i won't be trying to write them that way.


from a fenced forest

new blog!

god, you know what? ideally, i'd like to just make an announcement here that there will be regular blogging. i'd like to say that this will be the place you can find progress updates on new games, reviews of others' games, discussions on game design and marginality, short fiction and essay writing, and shit like that, updated several days a week.

but i know myself.

so i know i can promise that things like that will show up here sometimes, and that's about the best it gets.

what helps? outside pressure. positive feedback, engagement, return on my investments of time, positive relationships with other designers and GMs, jam deadlines, player opinions. if you want me to keep doing the thing, talk at me. y'all have, and that's why i'm here.

thanks for the support.