The Warubozu Usagi

11:59 (ish) pm

Scouting sites on Mars

The Black Flea crew is flying the Baby Black Flea around the Hellas Basin to find a suitable spot for their Black Flea Station.

RP: No offense Cap, but can we call the place something other than Black Flea? It's getting confusing.

WU: (without skipping a beat) Red Tick Station, then.

S: What's the deal with the annoying pests?

WU: Zebra Mosquito Station?

SM: (scratching) I'm starting to itch all over.

WU: (pointing to a 10 km-wide crater) How about that?

S: Edges are not rocky enough. Looks like an old crater with tons of erosion.

WU: Fire Ant Station?

RP: I hate fire ants.

WU: Exactly. We don't want the average yokel signing up to be a part of this place. We can have a whole backstory about how we built this on the site of a massive fire ant colony.

S: (raised eyebrow) I thought you wanted people to buy into this colony?

WU: (pointing to a smaller but taller crater) Ooh, how about that one? Don't get me wrong, I definitely want people to join us, but think of the name as a litmus test. I want people who get the inside joke without having to be told about it.

SM: That crater is a half-kilometer above sea level. It won't stay filled with groundwater.

(Meri looks up, yawns, gets up to stretch, then goes back to sleep in Wu-chan's lap)

WU: Meri, don't you want to see your future home, today?

(Meri looks at Wu-chan, turns her head, settles back and closes her eyes)

S: Ha!

WU: Home is where the heart is. Ooh, how about that crater with the crater inside it? That is pretty cool, don't you think?

RP: How so?

WU: We could build a forest in the main crater and use the smaller one as a water reservoir.

SM: Create a microclimate zone?

WU: Yep.

S: (confused) Who are you?

WU: My dear Syvil, below this veneer of aloofness and ignorance is a seriously sharp brain.

S: Warui, I've known you for over 20 years and you've never said anything brilliant in the previous 19.

WU: Some things need time to age properly.

SM: Our brains haven't aged a day since we switched them out to shells and started receiving telomere-mediating drugs.

WU: No, I mean, since getting into these shells, I've been more lucid and learning faster.

SM: (staring into Wu-chan's eyes) Are you on drugs?

WU: If you're asking me if I've been taking BEPPU, yes.

RP: What's BEPPU?

WU: Brain Enhancing Polymath Power Unleashed. It's a pill to heighten your focus to help you see and learn things faster.

S: Speed.

SM: Amphetamine.

WU: Microdose, sure, but there are other things in it.

RP: So, drugs.

WU: We're all on some sort of drug.

S: Well, just hope you don't burn your brain.

WU: Wait, what?

S: Okay, I think that crater is cool. Shoko, check the registry.

SM: (checking in on the Mars land registry) All clear. No name, too.

WU: Awesome! I'm calling this place the Dung Beetle Station!

RP, SM, S: NO!

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— The Warubozu Usagi