Well well well! Today, yet another brahmacari paid me a visit. Who the hell is giving all these brahmacaris my address? This guy was an old acquaintance that I had lived with back in '08. We'd shared a room in the temple. He used to go out preaching, distributing books and also gave daily S.B. classes in the morning.

When all things failed to work, they sent this guy to try and convince me to go back to the temple.

First things first, if ISKCON really believes that they don't need me, and that my visit to the temple is purely for my own benefit, then why do they even bother trying to contact me? Do such selfless people still exist in the world today? I don't think so!

Here's the truth: As I had mentioned over a year ago, I am unreplaceable. That is a fact that all the temples I've ever been to, have realized over the years. There is no replacement for me, in any temple that I've ever served in. Just like there isn't a replacement for any other devotee who leaves the organization after serving it under any capacity. The first step to becoming a valuable devotee is having discipline and a good ethical and moral conduct. That's something that is really hard to come by, especially in Kali Yuga.

So when you come to me and tell me to go to the temple and associate with the devotees there because it is only for my benefit, I'm not buying it. Experienced devotees are a valuable asset in ISKCON. When you lose one, you're losing a lot. But when you lose several, it creates a vacuum in your temples. And that vacuum cannot be filled without serious disciplined devotees. Instead, you'll have to make do with a bunch of neophytes and show-offs.

I'm not going to share any more today. But more details will be revealed in the future.

A lot has changed since I left ISKCON. I've grown my hair and beard out. If my patience was moderate during my run in ISKCON, it's totally nonexistent today.

Will I ever go back to ISKCON? That's the big question. It's tough for me, I'll admit. Every time I see a Hare Krishna devotee, it brings back a flood of memories, both good and bad. I've had so many dreams, where I was sitting in the temple, doing kirtana, or doing some service or hanging out with the brahmacaris. But the attitude of the senior management folks doesn't impress me. And all these scandals from the GBC leaders! Buoy, it's one thing to not know any of the scandals in ISKCON. It's another to know all the scandals and still want to remain a part of the organization. They sure don't meet my standards and ethical compass.

I think this is a decision that I need some outsider to advice me on. My deeply rooted origins in ISKCON have impaired my thought process on this matter. I need an impartial 3rd party to point out all the pros and cons and help me with the judgement; y'know, someone who doesn't have anything to gain or lose from my affiliation with a religious movement.

I'm just rambling on. I'm a bit upset right now. So it's probably a good idea to take a break and sleep it out or something. I need to think with a cool head, and not rush into making decisions.

I got a visit from the new temple commander and one of the pujaris today. They came for Rath Yatra donations, and to ask me to go to the temple. And of course to attend the Rath Yatra festival. I flat out refused. I will donate some Laxmi next week. But I will neither go to the temple nor attend the festival.

The pujari was pleading that I go back to the temple. He's a simple man. But the commander tried to save face and said that they were merely trying to guide me in the right direction, but the decision of whether to go or not, was entirely on me.

I have nothing against the pujaris nor the temple commander. They were my friends. But they're working within a system that is very exploitative, manipulative, and toxic in the long run. And that system will never change. It might get worse, for sure, but it will never improve. I do not intend to be a victim of a religious institution with a morally corrupt and broken system.

He said I'm missing out on sadhu sanga. That if I don't associate with the devotees, then I will never advance in devotional life. Well, that just sucks, doesn't it? I want to associate with people who can take a stand against the system. I want people who can fight for the right thing. And that would inexplicably create a divide, wouldn't it? ISKCON is already broken into pieces. There are so many controversial issues and everyone has chosen their side.

So the idea of everyone working together and living in harmony isn't possible. The idea that I should just focus on what I'm doing and forget about the others isn't possible. If I do my duty and ignore everyone else's problems, then one day, when my head will be under the guillotine, I will be alone too. This religion is an institutional machine, which takes in the energetic youth and spits out the washed out old hags. There have been many devotees who came before me; who sacrificed their material lives to serve in ISKCON. They lost everything, and when the time came for them to take a back seat and retire, they were thrown out in the garbage dump and forgotten. Who's to say that my fate would be any better? Who's to say that I would be the exception in the history of thousands of forgotten devotees?

Here's the thing: If my life is going to get screwed, then I'm going to be the one doing it. I want to be solely responsible for my shitty life. I don't want to be a miserable old man crying about a religious organization that screwed me over.

Then he said that I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes too, just like everyone else. That is true. But people don't join ISKCON for an imperfect miserable life. They join ISKCON because it's supposed to be better than the outside world. Now if life in ISKCON turns out to be as shitty, if not worse, as the outside world, then what's the point of staying within the organization? There's people bossing others around outside, why do I need a boss inside? There's people acting like cunts outside, why would I want to deal with a cunt inside the organization? There's people conning and taking advantage of and mistreating others outside. Why would I want to be inside a religious organization that does the same thing?

They say ISKCON has changed; ISKCON has grown and improved. Where are the improvements? I've been in ISKCON for over 2 decades. I haven't seen any improvements. Things have gotten worse. Temples have deteriorated to the point where they've become cash-inflow businesses. Where is the improvement? If everybody wants to do whatever they like, if there is no standard protocol, then what's the point of being in the organization? If you say we're not perfect and all of us have flaws and we're all trying to make some spiritual advancement together, then what's the point of any criticism? ISKCON was built on criticism and passing judgement. Criticism is the foundation of ISKCON. If Srila Prabhupada wasn't critical of the hippies and their hippie lifestyle, why would anyone change? Why would anyone want to become a devotee? Why would they shave their beautiful blonde hair and wear simple dhotis? Perfection is the goal, and if we're not all endeavoring towards that, then Krsna Consciousness is a waste of time.

If you read Srila Prabhupada's books, you'll see that he was critical of the materialists and everything they did. He called them asuras. Well, what about the asuras in the organization? Nobody's paying attention to that! That's why ISKCON has come down to where it is. That's why we have Hrdayananda Gosvami writing the purports of Srimad Bhagavatam and then renouncing his sannyasi dress and wearing tshirts and shorts and baseball caps, walking around like a mundane American karmi. That's why we have Radhanath Swami posting mundane material quotes on Facebook like an 18 year old Catholic school girl, talking about love and loving everybody and all that bullshit. You know what I'm talking about! That's why we have Krishna West, and all their bullshit. That's why we have yoga classes on ISKCON properties. That's why we have initiated devotees with tattoos and piercings. That's why we have the female diksa guru controversy. Everyone was minding their own business, and before they knew it, ISKCON was a lost cause.

So you don't tell me about focusing on my own sadhana WHILE going to the ISKCON temple and ignoring any issues with other devotees because I, for one, am not some blind retarded idiot who's going to see no evil and hear no evil and speak no evil. If you want that kind of devotees in ISKCON, there's lots of monkeys in Vrndavana. I'm pretty sure you can train them to play mrdanga and karatalas and ignore all the shady nonsense and mismanagement going on within ISKCON.

Ultimately, I realized that I cannot be part of a religious organization which has compromised on so many of Srila Prabhupada's teachings, all while screwing up the system, manipulating devotees, telling them to focus on themselves rather than criticizing others, living in harmony with others, associating with devotees, blah blah blah. I don't want to associate with devotees who think everything is fine and dandy within the organization. I don't want to associate with devotees who think I cannot be liberated without taking initiation from one of their rubberstamped morally corrupt gurus. I don't want to associate with devotees who think the problem is within ourselves; that we need to work on our own anarthas; that all the issues we are seeing is because of our own polluted and wicked mind and hearts; when quite clearly, ISKCON as a religious organization is a train wreck about to happen. Do you expect me to ignore the female diksa guru controversy, and the Lokanath Swami child molester case, and Hrdayananda's Krishna West and shorts attire, and Radhanath Swami's yoga villages? Bitch please! If I'm going to hell, then so are all these fake gurus and fake devotees in Vaisnava dresses. In fact, I might get an upper floor in the depths of hell, considering that I know what's wrong within ISKCON and the rest of ya'll just don't see it.

So I told the commander that I couldn't fix the problems in the temple myself. I can't tell them what to do and how to do it. I can simply point out what's wrong. And if their answer and solution is that I should be more humble and I should focus on my own sadhana and leave the rest to Krsna, then that's not the kind of institution I want to be a part of. The problem with humility is that it quickly becomes a weakness around the wrong group of people. So unless you want to be trampled on and exploited, maybe being humble isn't such a great idea. I've understood ISKCON's definition of humility: Don't criticize the authority; don't ask the wrong questions; just do what you're told; and when the movement is in jeopardy because the top guys screwed up, focus on your sadhana; don't criticize!

Srila Prabhupada said ISKCON is a large boat to cross the ocean of the material world. Well, I say this boat has a hole, and instead of plugging the leak, everyone's celebrating as if they're on the Titanic. The ship is sinking!

Holla holla holla!

I'm still alive. Not coming back for a while, but I thought I'd just stop by and get some stuff off my mind.

Today is Snana Yatra. Bathing ceremony of Lord Jagannatha, Baladeva and Subhadra. Some interesting things happened today. First of all, I had some guests. Two of my old friends dropped in to say hello and see how I was doing. I'm doing just fine. It's been a long while. I actually cut off contact because one of them showed duplicitous behavior. I was always wary about getting anyone close to me but when I saw that he was actually trying to take advantage and con me, well, I had to let go. It always amuses me when people think I'm too stupid to notice their crooked behavior. I grew up in a cult. I learned to observe and ignore crooks all my life. Do they think I just don't know anything?

Speaking of cults, I got a call from a brahmacari today. He was inviting me to the Snana Yatra festival at the temple, which I politely declined. I know most of them think I've got a huge ego. But this isn't about my pride. This is about right and wrong. I was right. They were wrong. End of the story.

I'm no longer willing to associate with a religious cult which beats down humility into their members so they can take advantage of them. All religions are cults. That's the truth. And that's the problem. All religions require their members to be humble and obedient and polite so they can walk all over them. These are the same religions whose senior leaders have some of the biggest egos on the planet. So the top guys want to act like a bunch of cunts and rule over the multitudes while anyone who questions their character and authority is immediately branded as a sinner.

I'm not humble anymore. Humility is a weakness. When you're humble, people treat you like shit, like you're worthless. But get some fucking dignity and get some pride, and wallah! You're in demand! I like to play it by the eye. My personality changes according to people's attitude and behavior. If you wanna be a cunt, fucking let's go. Step your game up. What are you willing to do? How far are you willing to go? 'Cause I ain't got much to lose. This is exactly how the material world operates. This is how all the cunts rise to the top. Every top man/woman that you see today, has been a cunt to someone. And I for one, have had enough of this humility and tolerance bullshit! The more you keep up with people's oppressive and indignifying nonsense, the worse it's gonna get. If you don't speak up for yourself, nobody else will. If you don't stand up against your oppressors, nobody else will.

I made khichri today, ISKCON style. It smelled exactly the same. But the taste wasn't quite there yet. I made a few mistakes, which I will correct the next time. My cooking's going great. I'm almost reaching the expert level. More on that in my other journal. Yeah, I found another site to offload my daily rants and opinions. So I've reserved this site for my religious rants and scheduled entries. I also shifted my tech blogs to another site. Now everything has it's own place. I like the organization better than dumping all content in one place.

I'm working on some big projects and they'll be coming out in bits through the rest of the year. I've also got some plans for next year, so hopefully, things will finally happen. Fingers crossed.

Yooooooo! Wasssssuuuuuuup!

Damn it's been a while!

There have been multiple changes in my life since last year. This year has been more of an evolution thing. I've constantly been tweaking and adjusting everything to fit perfectly into my schedule. And that's what I'm here to discuss today. I've got a new life, new schedule. Aaand it's going to change. Change in my life happens rapidly. It feels almost instantaneous. Some of the things in my life have remained constant. Others have been dropped off and replaced. It's the cycle of life.

First things first: I got a new laptop! Buoyiyiyiyiyi! It's been a while! I made the announcement elsewhere. But never mentioned it in my journal. My laptop is a big part of my life. It's where I type numerous articles every month. It's where I watch entertainment videos and documentaries and movies. Yes! I watch movies now bitch! Whatchu gonn' do about it, huh? HUH? That's right. You ain't gonn' do shit.

This journal has evolved. And the reason for my evolution is that I am no longer, a member of any religious organization. Religion kept me in check. Religion kept me on a leash. Now without religion? This is no man's land. All bets are off. No holds barred. I remember early last year. I was mopping the hallways of the brahmacari asrama, and I told my handler, if I ever left the organization, then I was going to be the most dangerous man on the planet. I've got nothing to lose. I am the man, who now has absolutely nothing to lose. What does that make me?

All ethical codes, all morals, all rules and regulations, all laws, all decency and humanity, have gone out the window. In the past two years, I encountered several assholes on the internet. And I did what a logical monk would do; I left quietly. Things have changed now. I'd like to see someone being rude to me, or throw a racist insult my way. Go on. I dare you. I double dog dare you. Say something to my face. Say something 'bout ma momma! Ha!

LibreKrsnah OS is still alive. I just never got around to writing an article about the updates. There have been several iterations and versions. I've spent weeks on end just working on one version at a time. Perfection. Currently, we're at LibreKrsnah Desktop OS v0.3 alpha and LibreKrsnah Mobile OS v0.3 alpha respectively. And I need to detail the features of these OS's 'cause I'm already working on the next release! I'll do that today! You know what? Sitting down to write a comprehensive manual would take several days on end. I ain't got the time nor the patience for that kind of thing. So I'll try to write a series of brief articles explaining the major features.

I've been trying not to do several major releases every year, as that increases redundancy. LibreKrsnah OS has already had 3 releases, and it's just been a few months.

The problem on my laptop, is that the dedicated GPU isn't working on the OS. And, there has been a brightness issue. I'm hoping to fix that over the next few months.

My phone's running fine. I've already tested the next big release featuring Android 11. But, it's not perfect yet. And quite frankly, I think Android 11 is uglier than 10. So, I'm currently sticking to 10. The next version will probably have 11.

So my new schedule looks something like this:

  1. Wake up at dawn, shower.
  2. Worship at my altar
  3. Power nap
  4. Simultaneous breakfast and DJ session
  5. Kitchen work: cutting vegetables, cooking, offering to the Lord, doing the dishes, etc
  6. Relaxing; watching some entertaining videos/movies
  7. Lunch accompanied/followed by entertainment/infotainment
  8. Nap
  9. Back in the kitchen; occasional simultaneous DJ session while I wash the pots, prepare dinner
  10. Worship at my altar
  11. Occasionally play a video game, or more infotainment
  12. Dinner accompanied/followed by infotainment
  13. Washing pots
  14. Check the news, browse 9gag/ write articles
  15. Go to sleep

I don't do laundry. So that saves my time. I reserve major cleanings for the weekends. Sweeping, mopping the floors, cleaning the toilets, are all done on weekends. I ain't got the time to do that everyday. It'd be pointless and exhausting.

Now, this is still a flexible schedule. For example, when I sit down to write an article, it may take up more of my time or replace other things on the list. The same applies to when I work on my OS. I try to limit my OS development time to once a week. The focus is on using the OS, not spending all my time developing it. Truth is, the OS will never be perfect. It will always evolve. I can't spend all my free time working on new features/apps because then I won't have any time left to actually use them.

I wish I could say that the LibreKrsnah OS was simple and minimalistic. At one point, in it's early days, it was. But now? It's complex and complicated. It takes several hours to build, and a few days to set up.

Well that's it. I figured I'd share these details whilst they're still relevant. 'Cause who knows when the next big change might come?

My writing has reduced significantly since I stopped updating the daily journal. Do I miss it? Hell no. I enjoy the free time working on other things. I've got a backlog of a dozen articles now. And there's no sign of completion in the near future. There's just so much stuff to write about. Every topic I pick invariably spawns a dozen other topics. And there's just some stuff I'd rather not write about. It's too much for my brain. And who the hell reads my stuff anyway? Does anybody consistently read the articles I push out? No. So I'm just writing for myself. But I like writing. It rejuvenates my brain. So I'm going to keep doing it.

This year has had a few surprise changes.

I'm learning to cook. I've always wanted to get into cooking, but I wasn't quite ready, until now. I think part of the reason was that I felt intimidated in the kitchen. I didn't want to mess things up. It's not too difficult. I think once you get familiar with the recipes, things get easier.

The reason for my entry into the kitchen world, is that it gets expensive really fast when you have to buy takeouts everyday. You can save a huge chunk of money if you cook your own meals. Another equally valid reason is that you can't always get what you want at takeouts. You have to go with the menu, even if you don't like it. And I don't like to compromise on my meals. I like them simple, but awesome.

It takes me anywhere from 2 to 3 hours to prepare the meals. That ends up being an average of 5 hours of my day just cooking. And of course I do the pots and dishes.

I still don't know if this is the best investment of my time. But, it's a necessary skill, and I think I'll do well surviving if I'm a good chef.

My schedule has constantly been evolving. Perhaps I'll post my routine in the near future, when everything has aligned perfectly.

My birthday just passed a few days ago. I've grown older. I feel old. I took a break from posting daily on this journal, then decided to quit the daily entries, at least for this year. A lot has changed. But life's still the same old usual boring.

The pandemic took off with a 2 week lockdown. It's been over an year now. The virus is still going strong. Many vaccines have rolled out in the past few months. But none of them have exited the testing phase. A number of people have died from taking the jabs. I took some time to study the VAERS data. The results are inconclusive. Millions have survived the vaccine, while a few have died. But that theory could be applied to the virus as well. There's news of various strains that the vaccines are ineffective at providing immunity against. At least the Americans still have some transparency in place, and have taken some steps to document the patients and make the aggregate data publicly available. Most countries have little to no data at all. China, for example, has no data. It's quite surprising that a country with the highest surveillance has very little information to provide regarding the virus and it's spread.

At the present, India has an average of 160K+ new cases daily. Yet China, it's neighbor with an even larger population, has only 90K cases in total, since the pandemic started. How can anyone believe these numbers?

Many governments manipulated the numbers. For example, India dropped their numbers before November last year to avoid overtaking the US. But now, the hospitals are overwhelmed, and far too many people are getting sick, for the government to continue lying about it. If the governments can lie about the numbers, they can lie about the vaccines.

I don't think this pandemic will be over any time soon. It definitely won't be over this year. And the vaccines won't have any effect on the pandemic. People who have been vaccinated are still required to take weekly tests in some places. That proves that the vaccines are still in testing phase. It also explains why they're still free. When the researchers have developed a 100% effective vaccine, it's going to be really expensive. And there will be many bootleg vaccines, which will be cheaper, but quite shady.

At this point, I'm not sure how much longer I'll be safe from the virus. I still have to go out to buy groceries and stuff. And it's scary to see how many people don't wear their mask right or just don't wear a mask at all. There's a lot of stupid fucking retards all over the world, who think they're magically immune to the virus, so they can disregard the precautions everyone else takes. I'm waiting for darwinian evolution to take them out so I can have some peace of mind.

I've taken some time off from writing. It's been a relief, not having to think through serious issues all the time. There's some pending articles about ISKCON, but I just don't have the energy to endure all the mental turmoil that comes with going through the events that occurred in those stories.

I have these dreams, almost every night, about events from my past. I dream about my former friends back from my school days, I dream about going to the temple, I dream about doing kirtana, leading arati, going out on Harinama and so on. It's a painful nostalgia from the past.

Perhaps we miss our past because our present has nothing exciting going on. At least that's the way I see it.

A part of me knows that I did the right thing, walking out. I don't know how much worse my dreams would've been had I knowingly been a part of an organization that provided a platform for evil leaders to abuse so many people.

A few days ago, one of the brahmacaris called me. This was my contact, the guy that was supposedly my boss. He just wanted to check up on my sadhana.

Then he asked me if I'd told the higher authorities anything about him. I hadn't. And I told him so. I'm not a snitch, okay? I would never rat on anyone who is or was my friend.

I've got to admit, this guy is the only one who hasn't yet given up on me. At least it seems so.

Usually, when someone leaves ISKCON and moves on with their lives, the organization tends to cut all ties with the said person. And that means everyone. It's an unwritten rule. Why? Because anyone who leaves ISKCON is said to have fallen into Maya.

Anyway, we talked for a bit. And he asked how I was doing. And if I was doing my devotional service. And I asked him, did it matter? I wasn't going to any ISKCON temple. I'd left the organization and moved on to do my own thing – which is, not support an organization with scumbag authorities who treat junior devotees like shit.

I remember telling this guy, no matter how long I stayed away from ISKCON, my devotional service would remain unaffected. Like my sadhana would go on. Everything that I was doing before would still happen because my brain has been programmed that way by this point. It's automatic. I wake up early in the morning, and the first thing I do is worship.

It hurts. And I hate that it hurts me so much. I'd invested my entire life in this organization, and this is the way it had to go down... it sucked.

I was adamant and stubborn and couldn't go back to the organization that had crushed all my dreams. The organization was heartless and couldn't admit any wrongdoing on their part. As far as I was concerned, they still have no clue why I left. I must have “fallen down”.

I don't think I'll ever let it go. I was never a forgiving person, especially when supposedly intelligent people did terrible things. If someone was retarded they could spit in my face, and I'd let it slide. But are the authorities in ISKCON retarded?

So I asked this guy how everyone else was doing. Since he'd called to check up on me, I think it was worthwhile checking up on everyone else. His primary service was preaching. But now the authorities have put him on the grind like the rest of the minions. They've assigned one of their own soldiers to do the preaching instead. Will it work? I don't think so. Preaching in ISKCON has turned into a recruiting tactic. They will either stay in touch with you to solicit some donations from you every once in a while. Or they've studied your terrible background and have hopes that you will join their minions force where they can put you in good use.

I think now he'll understand when I said he wasn't of any value to the organization, just like everyone else. The organization would grind him, use him, and spit him out like a case of bad phlegm.

The authorities have apparently banned one guy from entering the temple premises. Why? Because he fell in love with some girl who also went to the temple. Now the girl isn't banned. He is though. They recently got engaged too. But that hasn't changed the authorities' minds. Perhaps they're setting an example for everyone else to see and learn: This is what happens if you fall in love with someone in ISKCON.

It's ridiculous. He's a young man. So he fell in love with some girl. Big deal. At least they're engaged! Hasn't anyone else in the organization fallen in love?

Instead of looking at the big picture, the dim-witted authorities are focused on hardening their gestapo regime. It's okay to fall in love with someone. When you ban people for falling in love, you're clearly going nuts.

Did anyone in the organization think that this young man had a long life ahead of him? Did anyone think that even if he was in a relationship and got married, he'd still be of enormous use to the organization? It was the first time he'd fallen in love. It was bound to happen at some point.

But oh no! Love is forbidden! We can't have a young man and young woman falling in love! But we sure can have a gay pujari in Australia! Oh that's perfectly acceptable! Gay pujaris? No problem! Yoga classes in the temple? No problem! Heterosexual young man falling in love with a heterosexual young lady? Absolutely disgusting! How dare he! Let's ban him from taking darshana!

LOL. Does anyone else see the irony in this?

I don't have anything against gay pujaris or yoga classes. ISKCON has already incorporated them very well. I'm just surprised that they chose to draw the line when it came to normal regular folks falling in love. They can have sannyasis running off with their disciples wives and sannyasis molesting children and build samadhis for them. But two young folks falling in love is where they draw the line.

If you're an unmarried young man and you fall in love with an unmarried young woman in ISKCON, you will be banned.

Every ISKCON temple is run by different standards. Yet they all share the same banner. They're all under the same organization. One temple may build samadhis for pedophiles, another may allow homosexual pujaris, yet another will tolerate extramarital affairs. You just have to find the right address. Are you just a regular Joe in love with a regular Jane? Please do your research and find a temple willing to accommodate you.

This is why when normal regular devotees fall in love within ISKCON, they'll do their best to hide it from everyone else. You can literally commit any absurd crime and get away with it, but don't fall in love. Y'now this reminds me of years ago, when I was a teenager. My friend's sister came to the temple, and she saw me and she said Hare Krsna and we chatted up. One of the gestapo officers saw this and went off to my contact and told him to get me on a leash. Then he approached me and told me he'd report me to the Temple President if he ever saw me talking to that girl again! LOL I think that was one of my most hilarious moments in ISKCON. I just couldn't believe the nerve of this big fat jackass. To tell me to stay away from a girl that I knew. He didn't know what we were talking about. He didn't even know that I was her brother's best friend. He didn't know anything about us. He just saw us talking, assumed we were having some affair and tried to take us down. Oh yeah – he approached that girl too. He told her to stay away from me and that I was a bad influence! And if he saw her talking to me again, she'd be banned from the temple! This jackass threatened her with a ban because he thought that would be the most effective on her. She was new and didn't know anything about ISKCON. And he threatened to report me to the TP, because he knew damn well, that he had absolutely no power to ban me or anyone from the temple. He knew I knew that. He also knew my position in the temple. And shy of talking to the TP directly, there was no way of stopping me. Haha. Good memories.

A few days ago, one of the brahmacaris called me. This was the guy that I'd been expecting a call from; the one I'd given up on.

When I finally gave up waiting for his call, and I realized that he wasn't a real homie, and I'd accepted the fact and moved on, he called me. And this point, I had nothing to say to him. After all these months of absence, he'd noticed that I was gone. And so he called me, wanting to know why. Now why would I tell him? Why would I share my story with someone who isn't a real friend?

Y'know it's pointless talking to these people. You talk to one guy, waste your time telling him everything, and then you gotta talk to another guy, waste more time telling him everything. So you keep repeating yourself, but no one's doin' anything. There is no coordination when it comes to handling problems. So if you do have a problem, good luck with that – it ain't getting fixed.

It's easy to be fooled into thinking that someone actually cares for you. When in reality, THEY DON'T.

Here's how ISKCON works: There's a group of preachers working for the top management. These are the friendly extroverts who will notice you first, make eye contact and smile, and later, walk up to you and start a conversation. You're talking to the hawks.

What's your name? Where do you live? Do you work? Where do you work? Do you go to school? What are you studying? Are you single? Married? In a relationship? How's that working for ya? And then, why don't you come up for some prasadam?

The hawks are fishing for information. They're building a profile – your profile. They're gathering data, processing it, and analyzing it to make a judgement call – what's your worth? What are you worth to the organization? Are you a musician? Are you an intellectual? Are you a rich bastard? Are you a good worker?

The hawks report to the eagles. The top management, the leaders, the men in power, are the eagles. The eagles are typically found in offices and vyasasanas. Unlike the hawks, they're always accompanied by some servant. These are the men responsible for the direct growth of the organization – procuring big donations, lunch with VIPs, meetings with officials and so on. They could either be introverts/extroverts depending on who you are. They decide if you're fit to be in the organization. The eagle decides whether you're in or out. A collision with an eagle, is a terrible terrible idea.

And then, there's the vultures. I saved the worst for the last. The vultures don't give a damn who you are, what you do, or nothin'. These are the individuals who'll approach you with a bunch of books on the streets. Don't buy 'em. The vultures have only one goal – sell books, make money. They don't care if you're rich or poor or too busy to read the damn book. Unlike the hawks, the vultures don't want to know you. They don't care if you read the books or not. They don't care whether you join the organization or not. That's none of their concerns. If you got hit by a bus, near a vulture, they'd still try to sell you a book, while you were being strapped by the paramedics.

ISKCON's primary concern is this: What can you bring to the table? That's why the hawks spend time doing research on your background. They're looking for your weakness. And if you don't have one, they'll be happy to give you one! That's called preaching. The stupid vultures wouldn't know nothing about that. When they've found your weakness, they'll use it to hook you into the organization. That's the basis of every religion. Got a problem? They've got the solution! Are you sad and depressed? Krsna Consciousness is the answer! Are you single and lonely? Krsna Consciousness is the answer! Is your marriage broken? Spouse problems? Krsna Consciousness is the answer! Health issues? Laying on your death bed? Krsna Consciousness is the answer! Are you broke? Poor? Homeless? Krsna Consciousness is the answer! Are you filthy rich and don't know how to spend your money? Krsna Consciousness is the answer!

You can think of every possible problem in this world – including natural disasters – they've only got one solution for you: Krsna Consciousness! So join ISKCON, chant 16 rounds, follow the 4 regs and be happy!

Once you're hooked into the organization, they'll begin to train you. In order to be one of them, you gotta learn how to be like 'em. At the same time, you'll be introduced to other members in the organization, make new friends and find a new life.

But your new life will be short-lived if you prove to be a useless donkey. You gotta be worth something to them. Are you giving them donations? Are you bringing in new members? Are you doing any services for them? What is your worth to ISKCON?

And the entire time, you'll be trained to be a good dog. You'll sit when they tell you to sit, and stand where they tell you to stand. You gotta be humble. BE HUMBLE! BE HUMBLE! BE HUMBLE! Trnad api sunicena Taror api sahisnuna

You gotta recite those verses every morning buoy! And you have to learn the meaning of those slokas. You have to remember them every single moment of the day, until you're meek and humble. Like a good dog.

A good dog barks at strangers, and protects it's masters. That's exactly what you'll be doing in ISKCON.

And then when you're old, and frail, and useless, with no home, no money, no energy, absolutely nothing, they'll discard you like used toilet paper.

Y'know what the saddest part is? The one where most ISKCON sheep don't realize the truth until it's too damn late. And by then, they can neither save themselves, nor do anything to help themselves. Everyone thinks the stories on the internet are just a bunch of lies coming from evil ex-members filled with hatred. Until it happens to them of course. You can be silent and complacent with the problems in ISKCON right now. But you won't be so when you're the one facing these problems. And then you'll pro'bly end up killing yourself or somethin' because there won't be nowhere else to go; nothing more to live for.

I was thinking about some things in religion this morning, that make absolutely no sense. For example, betel nuts. I never knew what betel nuts really were until I visited India for the first time. I'd read about them, in the Krsna book, when I was a young child. I didn't know what they were. I didn't think that he scriptures would have any controversies that should make people question them, or think them through.

In the 10th Canto of Srimad Bhagavatam, you will come across stories of Krsna being offering betel nuts after his meal. Or Krsna chewin' betel nuts and putting 'em in the gopis' mouths. In the Caitanya Caritamrta, you'll come across passages of Nityananda Prabhu chewing betel nuts.

Betel nuts are a common offering used in demigod worship in India.

So, do some research into betel nuts. What are they? Then come back here.

My question is this: Why is Krsna chewing betel nuts? Has anyone thought about this? Has anyone asked why God is chewing betel nuts while his religion bans the consumption of all intoxicants, INCLUDING BETEL NUTS? What is the explanation behind this? Could some religious conman come up with a logical explanation that doesn't involve “divine lilas” or “He's God. He can do whatever he wants!” or some sort of bullshit?

The first time I ever questioned religion was when an Indian boy in my junior school came up to me and said, “Krsna was shot with an arrow by a hunter and he died.” And I said, that's not true! That can't be true! But he showed me a book, which confirmed that statement. But it wasn't a book from ISKCON, so I was skeptical to believe that. A few years later, when I was finally able to get my hands on Srimad Bhagavatam from the temple, I flipped through the books to find the passage where Krsna is shot by a hunter and dies. And the text there is very vague. It was so vague, that it didn't answer my question, at all.

Why do religious texts have to be so damn vague when it comes to the questionable stuff? Has anyone wondered about this? Why do the scriptures go into the details of so much irrelevant stuff, and completely ignore the things that matter the most, as if they don't matter at all?

The first time that I ever came across incomprehensible nonsense was when I read the Holy Bible. I was a small kid, marvelling at the text from the Books of Wisdom and Proverbs. Then I decided to check out the Book Of Revelation for a quick description of hell. And all I could grasp from it was eternal fire and buring in hell and some vague stuff about horses and all that bullshit. Where is the description of hell? Where is the clear-cut explanation of what happens when a man dies, the protocols used to judge him, and a quick overview of how he is punished? The Srimad Bhagavatam explains that, FYI. But the Bible, was too secretive. All that text and I couldn't figure out what the fuck the author was going on about. I skipped the Book of Revelation. I couldn't read it. Nothing made sense.

And this is the point where religions will jump in and tell you to get a teacher! Or listen to the preacher! Or surrender to some guru who will reveal the secret knowledge to you! I don't want to surrender to nobody to understand things that should be transparently clear fro the very beginning! How 'bout that? I'm not going to worship no guru, I'm not going to be fondled by some preacher and I'm most definitely, not going to wait for several years for that information to be revealed to me. These are the tactics used by religious men when they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. They'll pitch you with some nonsense about the scriptures only being understood by “divine men” and they'll con you and take advantage of you, and waste your time and energy. I don't want no dick up my ass before I can figure out what it was that God really meant. No thank you pastor! I think I'm going to stay away from you for my personal safety!

All I'm saying is, if the scriptures can provide detailed explanations on stuff that we don't care about, then they should provide an explanation on things that we do care about. But there is none given! Absolutely none! It's like the things that matter to us don't matter to the author. And the things that mattered to the author, sounds like a big bunch of bullshit when we read it.

So why does Krsna eat betel nuts, while his devotees don't? Meanwhile, every atheist in India chews the hell out betel nuts and colors the entire nation with it. If you visit India, pay attention to the walls, and the stairways and practically everywhere, even on the streets; you'll notice some Indian creep chewing betel nuts and then spitting the stuff everywhere. This is a typical Indian tradition – and now you know where it comes down from!

Krsna eats betel nuts. But he doesn't eat onions. It's okay to get cancer, but it's not okay to be a lil “passionate” after a meal.

Krsna dances around in the middle of the night with a bunch of married women, kissing them and doing all that stuff, but his religions don't want any of us doing that stuff! Well, at least in theory. The reality is that a lot of gurus are sexual deviants that do a lot of kinky stuff with people's wives. And ISKCON has practically banned all discussion on the rasa lila events. It is not for the mortal man to understand. You need to be “pure” and “advanced” to be able to grasp these things. And if you want to understand these things, you have to read some fictional stuff that some guru wrote hundreds of years ago, explaining away all the “divine pastimes” of the Lord.

I will not apologize for my skepticism at this point. A typical ISKCON prude will read this text and classify it as blasphemy and that I have “fallen down”. Have I really? Or am I asking all the right questions that you have no clear logical answers to?

Religion has no logic. There is absolutely no logic in religious texts whatsoever. That's the fundamental problem. The more you think about it, the more questions arise in your mind. So you're told to stop thinking about these stuff – just surrender to a guru! And he will open your eyes with “divine knowledge”. Will he really? Or is he going to use word-jugglery to dupe me and then close the case?

Most people never really question religion until they've seen some really wierd shit. They keep thinking everything's okay and everything's perfect until one day, an axe of realization drops down on their faith.

ISKCON will tell you very clearly that in order to understand the scriptures, you need a guru, and you should have full faith in the scriptures in order to understand them. How can one have full faith in the scriptures when they're so evasive? Are you asking me to blindly believe everything is true, in order to understand that it's true? Sounds a bit of a paradox, ain't it?


I think a lot of my posts after I walked out of ISKCON may make it seem like I hate devotees because of what's going on within the organization.

I don't hate the devotees. I think a lot of devotees are really nice and kind people in general. But like every other human being, devotees have their flaws too and these can be recognized when you associate with them. The problem arises when these devotees come to power and become part of the leadership in the organization. This sets a terrible precedent for the rest of the organization – “If so and so is a jackass, I can be a jackass too.” And I think this is the root cause of all the incidents of abuse, fraud, corruption and immoral behavior within the organization. It's not that the people who engage in such behavior aren't aware that what they're doing is wrong. It's the fact that the leaders – the GBC and sannyasis have done similar things and gotten away with it. There's a quote in the Bhagavad Gita As It Is regarding this – whatever the leader does, the common man will follow.

Now a lot of devotees have told me in the past to take association of devotees – sadhu sanga. But what kind of association will I get when these people aren't using their big brains? Associating with devotees feels like a trick to subdue the critics. I'll explain why. When most of the devotees within the organization are oblivious to all the wrong-doings, then anyone who thinks different sticks out like a sore thumb. It's the herd mentality. Flock all the sheep together so no one strays away. ISKCON has managed to take advantage of that to control everyone.

So when someone does use his big brains, sees something wrong, and tries to point it out, the leaders have a quick answer – If no one else has a problem with this, why do you? If no one else has pointed out such a problem, why have you? The problem doesn't exist for anyone else, therefore, YOU must be the problem.

This is why so many devotees hesitate to speak out against the wrong-doings. They don't want to be singled out and painted as traitors. ISKCON in general follows the philosophy of “don't criticize”. If you speak against other “devotees”, it is “vaisnava aparadha”. You will fall down! This is the kind of philosophy that the evil leaders use to take advantage of every situation. They know even if they do something wrong, people will hesitate to speak out because it's an “offense” to “their lotus feet.”

This philosophy of “if you criticize pure devotees, you will fall down” isn't applicable in the Kali Yuga. We are all fallen conditioned souls and these kinds of statements are exploited by the crooked leaders to carry out their nefarious activities. The truth in ISKCON is, people don't “fall down” as a result of their criticism as much as they are kicked out of the organization. When someone voluntarily walks away from the organization because of all the crap happening inside, they've not “fallen down” and Maya has not “taken them away”.

ISKCON leaders like to preach that anyone who leaves the organization or gets booted has “fallen into the clutches of Maya”. But this is not always the case, and anyone with a little intelligence would know that.

I walked out of ISKCON not because “Maya has taken me away” and not because I've “fallen down” but because I wasn't willing to be a participant in an organization where the leaders take advantage of people and treat 'em like shit. I left because I saw clear evidence of “groupism” where each devotee was treated differently according to who their spiritual master was. I left because the devotees weren't treated equally. Each leader in the management had their own favorite chumps. I left because if this is how they were treating people right now, how would they treat 'em when they were old and frail and no longer “useful”? I left because I wasn't going to be just another cog in the wheel. I wasn't going to contribute to the motion of the wheel when it was clearly steering towards the wrong direction. It would have been wrong. I've got my own ethics and moral standards. I wasn't going to break 'em for anyone.

The truth is, this religious organization doesn't value it's devotees. They don't care how many people leave the organization. They're only concerned with their cash inflow and will dupe anyone to keep it flowing.

They don't value their manpower. They value the crooked corrupt leaders at the top, who control everything. And because each one has got so much dirt on the other, no one's willing to take any action. That's basically how the GBC runs.

Instead of micromanaging the junior devotees, I think the senior leaders need to be put under a microscope. They are the source of all the major problems.

I remember when I started my services in the pujari room, the cameras were either broken or turned away. From the conversations I had, I picked up that some of the devotees were notorious thieves who stole prasadam and other things. So this is my question – why would a devotee have to steal prasadam? Why can't the temple just give it to them so they don't have to steal it? If the temple has enough money to go out and distribute huge drums full of prasadam to the public, I think they should be able to feed a few devotees who are doing service in the temple just fine. Or am I wrong?

Here's the bigger question – why would a devotee steal from the temple? What kind of person does that? I think even a retard would know that stealing from the temple is bad. So the next question would be – why hasn't the management identified the thieves and kicked 'em out? What kind of possible situation would justify letting a bunch of thieves serve in the temple with cameras on 'em?

If I was a leader, it's the first thing I'd have noticed; that the cameras were either broken or turned away. And I would have gotten to the bottom of the issue straight away – play back the footage of several months or years until the day that one crook turned away or broke the camera. And a good leader wouldn't let the broken cameras sit for several months before noticing. That's the first thing. A good leader is observant and can detect when something's wrong. An IDIOT, on the other hand, wouldn't know the cameras were broken until someone reported it to 'em because they were never around to observe things personally. Instead, they were busy conning some rich bastard for some donation or taking tours of the holy dhams.

A leader's priority should be that everyone serving in the temple should have a good conduct. And if something goes wrong or amiss, then everyone in charge or involved should immediately be dismissed. There should be no room for poor ethics and morals in ISKCON. Everyone from the top down to the bottom should face the same punishment.

Another quality of a good leader is that there should be no ass-kissing. A good leader shouldn't be surrounded by manipulative crooks or minions. A good leader should walk free, and roam free, like a lion, without some ass-kissing crooked minion playing politics and diplomacy in the background. A good leader doesn't play politics or diplomacy. A good leader doesn't command respect. Respect will automatically be given. A good leader is neither humble nor arrogant. A good leader is one of the people.

Leadership isn't easy. And it should never be handed down to morally corrupt individuals. I believe, that if the focus was given to devotional service and good moral values, before everything else, then the problem would be solved. But when management is regarded as devotional service, then everything is ruined. There's a bunch of people at the top, sitting on arm-chairs, barking orders and mistreating people. They're not managing anyone. They're acting like assholes.

If ISKCON spent their resources in maintaining their active devotees, instead of going out there and hunting for new members, then a lot of problems would be solved. Currently, the focus is on getting new members, while the old ones are neglected. And why are we worrying about making new members? Isn't the organization big enough? This huge influx of new people in addition to the neglect of old devotees has created a wishy-washy environment.

If an organization was good enough, people would volunteer to join. There's no need to go out on the streets and chase after people. When you spend all your time looking for new members, there's something wrong. Where are the old members? Are they all brahmacaris? What happened to the grhasthas and their children and grandchildren? Did they leave? Why did they leave? What is it that you're doing that's making old devotees leave?

It takes a long time to make someone fully Krsna Conscious. And there's always the chance that if you neglect them and torment them, they'll leave. And all the effort and energy and time and resources that you spent trying to change one person's life will go to waste. So the focus is very important. If you've got hundreds of people walking in and out of the organization every year, you'll lose the quality of the devotees. You need to stop worrying about the numbers. If the whole world was a member of ISKCON, but everyone was a jackass, what good would it do? Focus on the few. Let them be happy and content in the organization. You can rest assured that their children and grandchildren will continue the lineage and ensure the future of the organization.

If you're all about the numbers, and aren't able to retain any of them, then the organization will be crippled and bleed out, as it is currently happening. And let's not forcefully preach about brahmacaris and celibacy. Let the brahmacaris be brahmacaris and grhasthas be grhasthas. Those who wish to remain single, will do so, out of their own will. They're more likely to stick to the path than those you “preach” to. And those who are grhasthas will continue to expand the organization if you treat 'em right.

What happened to all the grhasthas that were initiated by Srila Prabhupada? How many of them are still in ISKCON? How many of their kids are still in the organization? How many of their grandkids are in the organization? This is where the organization is lacking any development. Instead, they're focusing on new people. Well, most of these new folks aren't sticking around for very long, are they? I've seen dozens of new devotees come, get initiated and disappear.

At some point in time, ISKCON didn't know when to stop expanding and start maintaining. They kept expanding and building new temples and opening new centers, but their strong core of pure dedicated devotees was shrinking exponentially, and were replaced by new shallow masses. This is why temples are empty every day of the week except Sundays and festivals. Had they focused on their core devotees and maintained a good relationship with 'em, the temples would still be flourishing with the good old vibes from Srila Prabhupada's era. And it's not hard to do that. When I joined ISKCON, there were several families that visited the temple daily. It was a family-like atmosphere. And there were a lot of senior devotees, most of them initiated. But a decade later, I was the only one from that era, from that group of families, who was still stuck to the same old schedule. What happened to the rest? Go figure.

I believe these issues need to be discussed within the organization. When something's wrong, the leaders shouldn't rush in to cover everything up. They're doing a terrible job at it anyway.

If everyone keeps quiet and nobody voices any concern, then the organization is doomed, as it already is. All the flaky talk about “vaisnava offenses” is useless. This kind of mentality is what deteriorated the organization in the first place. This is what led Kirtanananda to launch his deteriorations in ISKCON. Kirtanananda established a vyasasan for Jesus Christ in the temple room next to Prabhupada's Vyasasan. So you had three vyasasans in each temple room next to each other. One for Kirtanananda, next one for Prabhupada and third one for Jesus Christ. And then, Kirtanananda decided that Srila Prabhupada should be dressed up as a king, complete with a crown and jewellery. And he built a giant statue of Srila Prabhupada as a buddhist. Then he decided that he would dress up in robes like a good Christian and had all the gurukula boys dress up similarly. Then he decided to initiate a woman into the Sannyasa ashrama. And for the love of God, I still can't find her name or information anywhere. ISKCON did a really good job at burying everything under the rugs.

What's the current state of ISKCON New Vrndavana? It's not any better than what Kirtanananda started. Matter of fact, I'm going to post a separate article on that.