isvarahparamahkrsnah

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Watched YouTube videos; JerryRigEverything, Unbox Therapy, LinusTechTips
  3. Browsed 9gag
  4. Streamed a short session on Tilderadio

Footnotes:

Took down the decorations. Swept the ground and first floors. Supervised the cleanup. Checked the other buildings to ensure everything was perfect.

Just opened the gift this jackass had given me yesterday and it's crappy. Oh, and he was taunting me about my phone. This son of a b!tch is lucky I let his dirty comments slide. The next time he does that, I think he'll be in for a surprise. I never liked the guy. Never showed any interest in him. I think he got the memo. But he keeps trying to push my buttons. I never kissed up to his ass like everyone else did. And I think it bugs him to know that I don't really think highly of him to want his friendship.

Haven't had any time to hang out on IRC. But I'll be cleaning house and having a fresh start that's overdue at this point.

What's going on with Covid-19? The US hit 14M yesterday. India's still playing fraud at 9.5M cases. Brazil has 6.3M cases. Germany and Poland crossed 1M today. Everyone else is irrelevant with no significant progress.

Katyayani vrata begins

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Watched YouTube videos; Ally Law, CarryMinati
  3. Browsed 9gag

Footnotes:

Busy day. Welcomed the guests. Called in the homies to help supervise. Took part in the ceremonies. Ensured everyone was fed properly.

Went to see the guests off.

Homies went out and bought me lunch. Sat down lunch at 06:00 p.m. I was burned out. My legs were paining from staying on my feet all day.

I did go out to meet them at dinner. Supervised the cleanup.

A couple of “relatives” took the opportunity to lecture me about why I should go to other people's weddings and learn to live like they do. I don't know why people have to lecture me when they are doing ME any favor directly. If you do someone else a favor and then lecture me about it because I'm related to them, that's absurd. Y'know if I had it my way, none of the jackasses would've been invited. I don't need these people. Never did. Never will. So much that I'm willing to call in a bunch of homies to help me supervise rather than ask some relative to do it.

This guy was asking me if I had a job the previous morning. Why do I get the feeling that most of these folks are jealous of me? I know their lives suck even with all their material “success”. I renounced the worldly affairs and still remain the happiest of all.

This other guy was mocking my appearance in the evening. I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and he asked if I was going out for a jog. It's an evening dinner for the host's extended family. I'm wearing shorts and everyone's dressed formally. I guess it does look odd. But I wasn't going to eat. I just came out to meet everyone. I should've stayed away. Could've slept or something. Anything's better than standing in the presence of these toxic pricks.

Why do these pricks compare themselves to me? They will never be like me. I'm way WAAAAAY better than them in every aspect. I created a league of my own. And they ain't in it. I don't have to make up to their standards. Mine are higher than them. And they just hate it. They wish they could be cool like me! I'm carefree. I don't care about petty material things like these jackals.

Shri Nimbarkacharya appearance

Shri Krishna Rasayatra

Tulasi Shalagrama Vivaha

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Watched YouTube videos; Rikke Brewer, Bhuvan Bam
  3. Browsed 9gag

Footnotes:

Busy day. Spent most of the day on my feet running around taking care of business. The entire day seems just like a blur in my memory.

Welcomed all the guests and made sure they were all fed promptly. Aha! Okay, it's all coming back to me now.

Went to the groom's house.

Called two of the homies to help me out, but they sat in their car instead. Had lunch with the boys.

Went out on an emergency search for fruits. Bought bananas and oranges.

Supervised the cleaning at night. Filled in the water tank in the next building.

Had dinner at around 10:45 p.m. which is too late for me. Went to bed at midnight and couldn't sleep.

Shri Bhugarbha Gosvami leaving

Shri Kashishavara Pandita leaving

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Watched YouTube videos; Rikke Brewer, Saxon Sharbino, Mark Dohner
  3. Browsed 9gag
  4. Streamed 1 (?) sessions on Tilderadio

Footnotes:

Busy day running errands. Made arrangements for the guests to stay. Filled up the water tank next door. Tied up the hanging cable. Supervised the decorations.

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Updated journal
  3. Updated gopher
  4. Watched YouTube videos; MightyMom
  5. Browsed Raddle
  6. Browsed 9gag
  7. Streamed 1 (?) session on Tilderadio
  8. Cleaned the entire building in the evening

Footnotes:

Scrubbed the names from this month's entries. I think that should suffice.

Supervised the lighting work.

Made arrangements for the altar on the ground floor. I think that was the previous day? Yeah. And it was brought in today and I cleaned it up. Also bought a table that afternoon.

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Updated journal
  3. Updated gopher
  4. Watched YouTube videos; AllyLaw, Scottysire, Jonah
  5. Browsed Raddle
  6. Browsed 9gag
  7. Streamed 3 sessions on Tilderadio

Footnotes:

It was very windy last night.

I gathered up all the candle holders last night and decided to put all the wax to good use. I simply put a ghee lamp on it. By the time the ghee's finished, the candle wax will melt down and also be burned up by the ghee lamp. Very efficient!

I've got too many projects sitting idle. Now if I had someone who shared a similar vision and set of ideas, well, they could work on the projects while I'm busy. Sort of a shared project thing? I'll have to start work on cosmic and geocities next month. Because my mind's stressed out right now. I need a clear mind to think straight.

December's going to be busy too because I need to finish up the woodwork.

Thanksgiving was yesterday. Didn't even notice. Yesterday wasn't a very thankful day to say the least. I became angry because the cleaners didn't do their job properly. Here's the thing about work: If you take a job, do it properly. Otherwise there's no point in wasting everybody's time. These people get paid and they still don't do their job properly. That's unacceptable. I think there should be a death penalty for that.

Spent some time updating LibreKrsnah Mobile.

Looks like one of the IRC homies is angry with me so he's stopped hanging out with us. I think he took my friendly jabs as lethal fire. My notes on the homies in this journal has always been on friendly terms. Which is why I mention them by name. Anything I say about them is either me being friendly or joking. But I guess it doesn't look that way when someone else reads it. My bad. I'll just scrub everyone's name off.

If he'd thought I was seriously talking trash about him, I'd have appreciated if he'd pinged me first. Anyway. It's cool. I don't really know any of the IRC homies really well to start beef with them. And why would I want to do that anyway? I've got enough things to work on instead of worrying about an online feud.

2nd session on tilderadio was kinda long. But I don't think anyone was listening. The chat has pretty much always been quiet when I'm live.

Utthana Ekadashi

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Supervised cleanup of 2 buildings
  3. Went to pick up my clothes

Footnotes:

Today was an angry day.

The cleaners conned us. Shoddy job. Extremely lazy. All they wanted was the money.

I could've cleaned up the buildings myself and saved a whole lot of money. But the host refused to let me do it.

Lesson learned: Never give away free food to lazy useless conmen. Oh they're going to pay for this. I'm not the type of man to just let things slide. When the time comes, they're gonn' learn some tough lessons.

I'm a simple straightforward man. I ain't gonn' kiss nobody's ass. And I don't want nobody to kiss mine. Stop wasting my time. Stop trying to fool me. Most of the people who meet me for the first time think I'm an idiot. I'm not. I'm giving you room to show me who you really are. I'm paving the way for you to make mistakes. And what you show me is going to affect our future interactions. I ain't got time to mess around with fools.

One of the old ass morons living next to one of the buildings came out to see what's going on. He asked me who I was and what I did, and then proceeded to give me an unnecessary lecture about getting a real job. Bitch, don't you see me at work? Here's my assignment for today: Supervise these lazy scumbags during the cleanup. Don't do it yourself; but supervise. And that's what I did. This useless rotten bag of flesh proceeded to talk about utilizing my creativity and potential. Bitch I got potential! I'll utilize my creativity and potential where I see fit. I don't need your old raggedy ass to lecture me on wasted creativity. He made a dozen mistakes within the first few minutes of our interaction. Why do I get the feeling that our paths may cross once again in the future? And why do I get the feeling that this old son of a bitch may possibly have a heart attack upon our next encounter?

Here's an advice to strangers: Stop lecturing me on how to live my life. And stop being so goddamn nosy. It could get you killed.

Speaking of killed, how many people have died from Covid-19? I think I've just discovered a jackpot for the pandemic to devour. 1.4M deaths only. Shame. November's almost ending and most of the planet's jackasses still roam freely, annoying the hell out of me for no valid reason. Please Lord, clean up the planet. I think there's too many idiots crossing my path. I suggest 1B deaths at the very least. That should clear my path.

Had lunch at 04:00 p.m.

Okay. Time to take it down a notch.

One of the brahmacari's called me this morning. And then he tried to call me through the phones of one of his boys. Well, that didn't work, 'cause he'd already played that trick once. Then he called me again in the evening. There's nothing to talk about. I think I made everything quite clear during our last meeting in front of Lord Jagannatha. I also specified that I do not like phone calls. I prefer to meet and talk in person. I already went out there to talk once. If they want to talk, they can come out here and meet me. But I don't wanna hear nothing unless it begins with them saying, “We are sorry...”

So, how's the temple doing? It's empty. It's boring. Nobody's there and I think they will have to start considering my advice of just closing it and shutting down all operations. I don't even have to go there to see it to know it's empty. I know it's empty. Even without the pandemic, it'd still be empty. The few people who gave it life are gone. And all the new brahmacaris they import will lose morale once they see the empty temple room.

Missed all my sessions today. Didn't have time to hang out with the homies on IRC either. I'll make up for it another time.

Shrila Gaura Kishora Dasa Babaji leaving

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Hang out on IRC
  3. Streamed 3 sessions on Tilderadio
  4. Browsed 9gag
  5. Went to the bank

Footnotes:

Today is a sad day.

Had some guests and an important meeting which had no additional outcome. The host should have listened to me. I gave the best advice.

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Hang out on IRC
  3. Streamed 3 sessions on Tilderadio
  4. Browsed 9gag

Footnotes:

Got a phone call from one of the brahmacaris. He's quite older and was always friendly. According to the logs, I'd missed 16 calls from him. But it's more than that, since I didn't block his number for a while. So, he wants to talk? Okay, let's talk! “How are you? Why didn't you pick up my calls? The devotees miss you so much! You should come stay in the temple. When I was new, I had to stay in the dorm (the crappy trashy room) for a while too. blah blah blah.” And then, “At least come for the services! Haven't you heard that x devotee's mother passed away yesterday morning? He's gone now. So you can come and do his service! If you want, I can talk to the management!”

Here's the thing – I know the management is the one asking different brahmacaris to make these phone calls. Since I'm not picking up anyone's calls, they're just trying their luck with different numbers at this point.

I told him the truth – I don't like the living situation in the asrama. And I'd rather live outside.

This is a contest of ego's. The way I see it, the senior management want to reel me back in, without having to admit any wrongdoing on their part. So, how's this supposed to work? Do I have to kiss their feet and beg for forgiveness instead?

They keep trying their luck with these phone calls but it's not going to work.

Jagaddhatri Puja

  1. Stayed home in self isolation
  2. Hang out on IRC
  3. Streamed 3 sessions on Tilderadio
  4. Browsed 9gag
  5. Browsed Raddle
  6. Updated journal
  7. Updated gopher

Footnotes:

My phone screen's flickering again. What the heck? I'm tired of reinstalling the OS and configuring this crap all over again! SAMSUNG SUCKS! ANDROID SUCKS!

Went to Govinda's to pick up lunch. The devotee I used to do service with was passing by and came and paid obeisances at my feet. I didn't even see him coming. He looked very sad. Kept asking me why I wasn't picking up his phone calls. I asked him how he was and he said his mother had just died this morning, and he was rushing to go back home.

I'm sorry. I don't even have appetite anymore. He looked thinner. Now that he'll be gone for a while, I wonder who's going to do his services. That's like 5 hours of standing and washing pots. The next guy's going to have a transcendental realization.

It dawned on me that I can be a very cold-hearted man. Quite cruel too. When I cut people off, it's instantaneous. I don't waste time talking. I just block them out of my life.

So yeah, as extroverted as I am, I'm quite fine with spending time alone, rather than tolerating someone who brushes me the wrong way.

This is the last week of Kartika month. I haven't been to the temple in 3 weeks. And I don't feel like returning now. I think my legacy's pretty solid. No matter how hard the organization tries to erase my memories, I'll always be that one guy that actually made a difference. And what are they going to do? Recruit somebody else? Replace me with someone else? LOL Do you know how difficult it is to make devotees? To transform karmis into devotees is no easy task. It takes years of preaching and constant training to get disciplined devotees.

They won't get any locals to replace me. I can guarantee that. Best they could do is import someone from another temple to come and serve here.

The most intelligent decision I've made in my 22 years in this religious organization, is declining initiation proposals. I received my first initiation proposal when I was just 15. For the critics who think I'm just some guy yapping away, take notes. When I was young, my parents didn't want me to get initiated. And when I turned 18, I found out all the dirty secrets that plagued the organization worldwide since the late 70's. Then I became very skeptical, especially after my questions about the truth were brushed off. “Don't visit these sites on the internet. That's blasphemy and an offense to the vaisnavas.” What vaisnavas? These sites exposed the conmen, crooks, women-hunters and child abusers hiding behind the garb of Sannyasis. These are the people who demanded respect because they thought they were so highly elevated on the spiritual platform.

Since the 80's crisis, the organization has become expert in covering up scandals internally and maintaining gossip amongst the senior officials. I saw news articles about X Swami and Y Swami involved in scandals but those don't happen anymore. I think one of the reasons is because journalists and the media are now kept away from the organization. Another reason could be that the journalists became bored and gave up on the organization. “What's new? Another Swami blooped? Meh. Who cares? They're all fake anyway!”

I know many devotees who'll read this entry will think, “22 years and he's still not initiated? Something doesn't add up.” I never understood the hype of initiation. So many devotees joined after me, got initiated, and disappeared shortly after. What's the point? Instead of jumping on the initiation tracks and kissing some bogus guru's feet, I think people should spend time reading Srila Prabhupada's books, understanding the philosophy and strengthening their faith in the scriptures. If this is done properly, one will be able to practice Krsna Consciousness even after leaving the organization.

In the 70's and 80's, many devotees got initiated within the first 2 years of joining the organization. A lot has changed since then. What's the current process of getting initiated? You have to follow the 4 regs, read some books, pass an examination, sign forms, take vows, pay some fees?, attend Mangala aarti for 6 months or something, do some service, make some donations and be a humble yes-man.

The process for getting brahmana initiation is even more institutional. Now you have to take the Bhakti Sastri course and pass the exam before being considered for initiation. And the course isn't free. You have to pay for these courses. Just like any modern educational institution. Except these courses have no value outside the organization. Nobody's going to pat you on the back for getting a certificate that's only valid within a religious organization. You can't put that on your resume. You can't even brag about it to your friends. “Hey guys! I just got my Bhakti Sastri certificate!” So what? Get the f outta here! I just got a Phd in Astrophysics, Master degree in CS, and a Bachelor in Electronics. They landed me a job at NASA. Where did your certificate land you? On the Vyasa asana? Conning people? Being a hypocrite while getting your feet massaged? Not bad. Not bad. I guess Bhakti Sastri courses may be worth something if you want to climb up the GBC ladder at some point. As far as qualifications are concerned, these senior devotees lack most of the Vaisnava qualities. They're just playing pretend, giving fake smiles and plotting their next diplomatic moves.

They've come up with a classic excuse for all these payments. Pay for a course, pay for an exam, pay for prasadam, pay for this, pay for that. “It's not a payment. It's a donation. If we don't ask people to pay token money, they will not take it seriously.”

So it's all just a regular business at the end of the day. The fact that they just stamped it with Krsna Consciousness makes it all very spiritual.

The Govinda's restaurant here (that does not serve prasadam) just doubled the price of everything due to the pandemic. It's ridiculous.

And since the organization likes to brag about feeding the hungry and feeding poor kids and school kids, let me ask this: Why don't you feed the beggars sitting outside your temple everyday, harassing the pilgrims for money? Beggars be talking about “I'm so hungry! Give me some money!” Well, why don't you get some food from the Food For Life program run by the temple? You know what? Maybe I should become a journalist and begin interviewing all these folks. Let's hear what they've got to say!

Oddware site's up. Ben deleted my radio archive so it's a fresh start from now on. Hopefully there won't be too many broken streams to warrant it crappy.